A Beautiful Wreck
by Sam Winthrop
Summary: Jessica Maddox is living proof that the apple most certainly doesn't fall far from the tree. A fighter like her father, Jessie guards her heart the way she guards her body. Fiercely. That is, until she meets someone who makes her want to drop that guard. But will it be so easy to let go of the demons from her past? Or is the relationship destined to become one big, beautiful wreck?
1. Chapter 1

I vaguely register the slaps on my shoulder, and my name ringing out from the lips of several drunk undergrads with heavily padded wallets, as I make my way to the large ring in the center of the room. My mind is on other things. Like the take home midterm I've yet to finish for comparative psychology, and the reason I'm in a closed campus facility, after hours, with a hundred raving lunatics, instead of in my off-campus apartment working on said midterm. I need this money if I'm going to make my payment for the upcoming spring semester before registration. Definitely can't ask mom and dad for help there since, to their knowledge, I'm away at UCLA on scholarship for boxing.

The part they aren't aware of is that I was thrown off the team in the middle of my sophomore year for beating a teammate into a neck brace, with a nasty concussion and two taped up broken ribs to boot. We weren't at practice when this happened, and it was not my first after hours altercation, so needless to say my coach had finally had enough. I lost my scholarship, but was able to remain in school thanks to my amazing GPA and the backing of several of my professors.

I shake off the intruding thoughts trying to throw me off my game and climb up the three steps at the corner of the ring, ducking in between the top two ropes to face my opponent.

"Alright ladies and gentleman, get your bets in! You know the drill, no money changes hands after the bell rings," our resident MC and promoter, David, reminds the crowd.

He stands in the middle of the ring and glances from my opponent to me and back again as he shouts, "The rules are, there's only one rule! Once you're down, no contact! You hear a bell, you get your ass back to your corner! Winner by KO or TKO on my call."

I've been through this spiel at least fifty times since I started participating in the underground fighting ring at UCLA a year and a half ago, so I tune him out and concentrate on the girl standing across from me. I size her up as she hops from foot to foot, obviously eager to get things started. She's a few inches taller than me and likely has about fifteen or so pounds on me as well. She's got sharp eyes and I can tell she's sizing me up as well. It won't matter. I've seen my dad's fighting videos on YouTube so many times, the moves are burned into my brain. I could probably take the opponent in the guy's fight after this one too if it wasn't against David's personal "ethics" to set a girl and a guy up to pummel each other.

I fight on instinct. I don't have a choice. This girl, who so desperately wants to charge across the ring all punch-first-think-later, is definitely not a smart fighter. She'll burn herself out quickly and that's when I'll go in for the kill, figuratively speaking.

"In this corner," David points to me, "we have the reigning champ, Jessie Maddox!"

The cheers are deafening, but it means little to me. I tune them out to keep my head in the game.

David turns his attention to the girl across from me, "And the challenger, Missy Anderson!"

A smile breaks my intense stare. What kind of fighter willingly goes by Missy? Make something up for Christ's sake. I feel no malice towards this girl, really I feel nothing towards her at all. I've seen her around campus a time or two, but other than that she means absolutely nothing to me. That's exactly how I like it. If I can't fight in anger, I fight out of necessity. The anonymity of my opponent, besides my knowledge of her ditzy stripper name, helps me to infuse that necessity into every punch.

Out of the corner of my eye I see David back towards the corner to my left, his hand on the bell. Time to kick some ass.


	2. Chapter 2

As predicted, Missy charges out of her corner like an ornery bull. I smirk at her predictability and take a few calculated steps forward before dodging her first round of punches. At this rate, the fight will be over in ten minutes flat. Hope the guys are ready for their matchup.

She aims a right hook at my jaw and meets air as I pull back seconds before she's able to connect. She's thrown off by the force behind the punch and I take this opportunity to make my move. I hit her with a left-handed sucker punch to the stomach causing her to bend at the waist and bring her chin right into my right fist as I hit her with a dead-on jab. She staggers back two steps and I can tell she's seeing stars as her eyes lose focus. I surge forward and lay into her with a series of punches to her side, weakening her stance further.

The bell rings and I reluctantly retreat to my corner where my best friend, Kelsey, stands leaning over the ropes with a bottle of water.

"You're doing amazing Jess! This bitch is exhausted and it's only the first round. Take her ass out so we can get home and I can get my beauty sleep," Kelsey encourages me as she squirts water into my mouth. Her midnight black hair is piled on top of her head in a messy knot and she's dressed in a tight red tank top with skinny jeans and 5 inch stilettos. Apparently being in a crowded room with a bunch of drunken fools doesn't discourage Kelsey's inherent fashion sense.

I don't have any more time to contemplate my friend's outfit decisions as the second bell rings and I twist around to make my way back to the center of the ring. Missy approaches much slower this time, obviously cautious after her lackluster first round. It doesn't phase me, I know how to get to her now and I capitalize on her hesitation by leading with a series of body punches to her sides. She backs up and I advance, closing the distance between us and intensifying my rapid punches. When I see that she doesn't even have the wherewithal to counter my attack, I decide to end this one sided match so we can get home early. I hit her with a combo, finishing with a powerful uppercut to the chin and Missy hits the floor with a thud heard by all, pausing the yelling and shouting of the crowd. There's no sound at all for a split second, then the inebriated audience erupts in cheers as David steps forward to raise my arm as the winner.

I remove my gloves and make my way over to my corner for another swig of water before exiting the ring and squeezing through the crowd to the exit with Kelsey trailing behind me. I'll pick up my share of tonight's purse from David tomorrow, so there's no need for me to hang around. I could care less who wins the guy's match, I just want a shower and my bed. This isn't a party for me as it is for the scads of students milling around the gym right now. It's just a job—a way for me to pay my bills and stay in school without alerting my parents to the disappointment of my lost scholarship. So I shove my arms through the gray, zippered hoodie Kelsey holds out for me and walk alongside her to the car.

While it might be easier to get from building to building if I lived on campus, I find it much more enjoyable living with Kelsey and my twin brother Jamie in our off-campus apartment. We're all juniors, but Kelsey and I are both psychology majors. Jamie is a design student in the school of architecture. Next year he'll be interning, so right now he's enjoying his last couple semesters of college life. Needless to say, he comes home late most nights.

Kelsey slides into the driver's seat next to me and starts the engine of her white VW Beetle convertible, which we fondly refer to as 'the bug'. Most cars in L.A. are convertibles, and who am I to complain? I love this car. If I didn't need to put every penny into my tuition fund or towards bills, I'd have made a sound investment in one myself. Maybe over the summer I'll be able to save up, if David lines up enough matches. But summer is a long while away, and I try not to make a habit of long-term plans. Too many things can happen that are out of my control, not matter how hard I fight.

"You kicked ass tonight Jessie. How much do you think you banked?" Kelsey asks as she pops a piece of gum in her mouth.

"Enough. It would've been more if Missy was a better fighter with a bigger fan base, but taking her out in two rounds will get me a little extra. I'll definitely be able to pay off next semester's tuition and my portion of the rent for the next couple of months," I tell her as I rest my forehead against the window.

"Sweet. Do you think you'll be able to put aside a few bills for our shopping trip?"

I roll my eyes before closing them. I forgot about the Sigma Chi Halloween party I agreed to attend with Kelsey. She's a member of the sister sorority and she guilted me into going with her by throwing all my late night fights, which she so selflessly attends, in my face.

"Yeah, I've got it covered," I sigh.

"Don't even think about backing out! I need my wing woman if I'm going to make Paul suffer," she says, giving me a warning side-long glare.

I yawn. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you hanging and jeopardizing the execution of your master plan."

Kelsey lets out a devious giggle. She and her on-again off-again boyfriend Paul are currently in the off-again stage. Paul made some insensitive comment that Kelsey took to heart and now she has cooked up a scheme to torment the living hell out of him at this party. Which means I have to join her, whispering words of encouragement the whole night, as she so often does for me from my corner in the ring.

We pull into a spot surprisingly close to the apartment entrance, given the hour. I trudge up the walkway, dreading the all-nighter I'm going to have to pull in order to get my midterm finished before my 10:00AM class.

Kelsey pushes the button for the elevator and leans against the wall as we wait for a set of doors to open.

"So have you talked to your sexy pops lately?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows at me in the way she knows makes me cringe.

"Ugh, Kels, I'm not going to tell you again. Keep my dad and the words 'sexy', 'hot' and 'doable' out of the same sentence or we are no longer friends," I scold her.

She snickers at me as we step into the elevator together. "Hey, can I help it if all of those words are completely accurate? Your mom is the luckiest chick on the planet."

I just ignore her and close my eyes, lean my head back against the wall of the elevator and silently will the tension of the day to leave my body.

The elevator doors open to reveal my brother Jamie.

"Hey Jess! You win?" he asks.

"Of course, was there any doubt?" I raise my eyebrow at him as he steps inside the elevator and stops the doors from closing by placing his arm against the door jamb.

"Stupid question, still awesome though. Anyway, I'm heading out with Christina and Brit, you guys wanna come?" he asks eyeing Kelsey and me.

My brother is about half a foot taller than me and leanly built. We share the same dark, chocolate colored hair as our mother, but we've got honey brown eyes that almost look gold in certain lighting. Jamie has a dimple that pops up in his left cheek when he smiles, just like me and our dad. He got dad's height, but I've got his temper—and his fighting skills, now at least. Not that this is something he knows, or would approve of. Jamie is a lover, not a fighter. We are one hundred percent opposite in that department. Not to mention the fact that he's a social butterfly while I prefer to go about my business and not be bothered.

"Nah, I have to get this take-home test done and it'll probably take me half the night," I answer.

"Sucks. How 'bout you Kels? Up for a little action?" He winks at her suggestively, but we both just giggle. Jamie came out when he was sixteen and is completely content in that aspect of his life. It doesn't keep him from flirting with the females just for the fun of it though.

Kelsey flutters her eyelashes at Jamie and says in an exaggerated Georgia peach accent, "Why, James Maddox, I do declare you are positively naughty!" We all laugh. "Yeah, let me just fix my hair real quick and I'll meet you downstairs," she says as she starts down the hall with her keys.

"See you in the morning, stud," I say to Jamie before I follow Kelsey to our door.

"'Night sis," he replies as the elevator doors close.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh man, my head is killing me. I throw my hand out from under the blanket and swat at my alarm until the incessant beeping finally ceases. I sit up then quickly flop back down as my head starts spinning. Apparently four cups of coffee and two hours of sleep are not a good combination. At least the dreaded midterm is done. I contemplate running to class to drop it off then coming back home to snuggle up under the covers, but I know that once I'm actually out of bed returning would be pointless.

After I'm showered and dressed for the day, I grab the final printout and shove it into a folder, then into my bag. I'm just in time to catch Kelsey in the hallway.

"Morning sunshine!" She beams at me as she grabs her jacket from the back of the couch and snags her keys from the bowl on the table by the door.

"How are you this chipper when you were out bar hopping with my brother last night?" I grumpily inquire as she locks the apartment door behind us.

"Impending shopping trips can cheer me up from the worst of conditions," she reminds me, stepping into the elevator.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'll meet you at De Neve for lunch then we can leave from there."

"Sounds like a plan," Kelsey says as the doors open to let us off.

We ride to the campus parking lot mostly in silence, the radio playing low in the background. Once we arrive, Kelsey and I part ways. She heads off to the language center and I turn right into the psychology building.

Passing a few classrooms on the way, I make it to my lecture hall with fifteen minutes to spare before class starts. I pull out a notebook, open to a clean page and begin sketching in the margin while I wait for the seats around me to fill in. It's Friday so I'm banking on the professor collecting the midterms and wrapping class up fairly quickly.

I'm not disappointed. We turn in our papers and talk about some of the more difficult questions, then Dr. Riche tells us to get lost and have a nice weekend about twenty minutes earlier than she normally would have.

I close my notebook and shove it into my backpack when I sense someone standing next to me. I look up to see a blonde girl looking down at me. In southern California that isn't exactly uncommon, however this particular girl, Amber Fallon, is the quintessential snotty sorority bitch that you see in the movies. She also gets a kick out of making me feel like less of a female because I'd rather throw a punch than a party.

"Hey Jessie, I hear we'll be seeing you at the Sigma party tomorrow night. Gonna wear your boxing gloves as a costume?" she sneers.

I didn't notice her two minions standing behind her. Now I understand the reason for the impromptu conversation. She needs a pick me up and I'm not about to give her the satisfaction of succumbing to her taunts.

Instead, I simply reply, "I'm still thinking about it. I guess we'll both be surprised tomorrow night."

With that, I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk out of the classroom. ********************************************************************************************

"Why do I let you talk me into these things?" I whine from the cramped dressing room of the costume store.

"Because deep down you realize that I know what's best for you and your pent up inner sex goddess," Kelsey quips from the other side of the door with no discretion. "Now get your ass out here so I can assess!"

I tug and shove everything into place to the best of my ability. Sadly, the amount of material making up this atrocity is less than what I wear to bed at night. In my bedroom. Alone. I know based on that fact alone, Kelsey will insist it is the perfect outfit for the party.

"Jess you look HOT! Omigod, this is so definitely the one!"

Kelsey Morris everyone. Never one to let you down.

"Kels, I look like a big, fat, slut," I moan, turning sideways to see how much of my bare ass is flashing the world in this getup.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're not fat," Kelsey laughs and hands me the finishing touch, a halo headband.

"Really though Kelsey, an angel? And a trampy one at that? Talk about a walking contradiction. Can't I just throw a sheet over my head and be a ghost?" I plead.

"No, Charlie Brown, you absolutely can not. Besides, your sexy angel costume is the perfect complement for the one I chose!" Kelsey holds up a plastic bag by the handle showing me her choice for the party: a sexy devil.

"How cliché. The slutty angel and her sexy devil sidekick," I turn back to glare at the mirror.

My costume consists of a white corset which lifts my chest to gravity defying heights, with a tiny tulle tutu poking out of the bottom, barely covering my butt. Luckily I wore a pair of boy shorts over my underwear, and I'm guessing I'll be doing the same at the party. As if all that isn't enough to bring the male population to their knees, the sheer white stockings attached to white garters will be icing on the cake. Let's not forget the angel wings and halo! The only indicators that I'm wearing a costume and not just prancing around in my underwear. Who am I kidding? This thing makes my usual underwear look like something doled out on day one at the convent.

"Jessica Maddox, I am your best friend! I have given up countless evenings to stand in a smelly gym, squirting water at your sweaty ass, the least you could do is attend a party with me and feign happiness for one night!" Kelsey cues the guilt trip, and it works like a charm.

"I get it Kelsey! I'm buying the skanky lingerie, and I'll be wearing it by your side tomorrow night while you torment the hell out of Paul. Only for you would I do this, I hope you realize that," I concede.

Kelsey smiles and shoves me back into the dressing room, "Great! Now strip, we've got hair and nail appointments in twenty minutes."


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh my eyes! Thank you so much, now the image of my sister, the porn star, will be forever burned into my retinas," Jamie cries out and shields his eyes with his forearm as I stumble down the hall into the living room on my 4-inches-too-tall heels wearing what I now fondly refer to as The Slut Suit. I toss my thick brown curls one more time and secure my phone in the only available spot, my cleavage. I've just become 'that girl'.

"Suck it up Jamie, your sister is my partner in crime tonight," Kelsey says as she leans over an end table to apply her blood red lipstick in the mirror.

I have to admit, I'm completely jealous. Kelsey's costume is my angel outfit's red twin, sans wings and halo of course. In their place she has a tail poking out of her tulle skirt, and a shimmering set of horns strategically arranged in her gleaming black waterfall of hair. Even a blind man would be able to sense the sexiness emanating from this girl. Paul is going to swallow his tongue when he sees her.

"You just better hope dad never finds out about this," Jamie says, lowering his arm from his face and making a point of staring directly into my eyes and nowhere else.

"Well I have no idea how he ever would, unless someone decided they no longer wanted me to keep quiet about who really put that dent in his bike last spring." The threat in my eyes shows him I'm far from kidding.

To my dad I'm still his innocent, if slightly unruly, little princess. If he were here I wouldn't have made it as far as the living room before he locked me in my room and nailed the door shut. I have no intention of using this outfit to nab some pathetic drunken guy to bring home tonight. I just need to appease my best friend and make it home without rolling both of my ankles. So what dad doesn't know definitely won't hurt him.

* * *

Of course, the one night that I'm wearing next to nothing L.A. would be in the middle of an uncharacteristic cold snap. I shiver as we walk from the car up the steps to the Sigma Chi house. I turn and wave to Jamie as he pulls away in Kelsey's car. He isn't into the frat scene and was nice enough to volunteer as our designated driver tonight.

"I know you want to make Paul suffer tonight Kels, but please don't leave me alone. You know I can't stand these people and the last thing I need to do is get into it with one of them while I'm standing there nearly naked," I beg.

"No worries Jess, I'm by your side all night. But just in case we get separated, we meet back here at 2AM," she mutters over her shoulder and throws open the door before I have a chance to protest.

Kelsey heads straight to the kitchen to secure us a couple of drinks. While we're waiting for one of the frat's underlings to mix the cocktails, Kelsey hands me a test tube filled with a bright blue liquid.

"Drink up girl!" She toasts me in the air with her tube and tips it back, draining the contents.

I sniff, then figure what the hell, and down my tube as well. It's more juice than anything else.

"You know," I almost jump out of my skin and spin around punching at the voice inches from my ear, "if you really want to feel anything, you have to go for the clear ones."

I turn my head to find myself face to face with a cocky, grinning face attached to a stocky, muscular body in a caveman costume. How apropos.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I smile politely and intentionally turn my body completely away from him and back to Kelsey who has decided to make friends with our bartender. If there is one thing I'm not going to deal with tonight, it's some oafish jock who thinks he's going to get lucky. Not even an option.

"So what's your name, sugarplum?" Caveman leans on the counter next to me, clearly not taking the hint.

"Well I can tell you it's not sugarplum," I grab my drink from the pledge who mixed it, and link my arm with Kelsey's as I steer us both into the main room where I hope to blend in with the crowd of dancing bodies.

"What's wrong Jessie? He's cute!" Kelsey grins at me like a fool before scanning the crowd, looking for Paul I assume.

"Other than the fact that his IQ and junk size are probably both in the low single digits?" I shout over the pounding bass and catchy beat blaring from the speakers.

"You're never going to meet a guy if you don't give them more than a thirty second audition Jess," Kelsey scolds, half listening to me.

"If I were looking for a guy, that would most definitely not be my type. Plus, who says I need a guy? I'm perfectly content with the way things are right now. I've got my books, my brother and my best—" I stop mid sentence as Kelsey spots Paul and proceeds to desert me in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, "—friend. Well, there goes that."

I edge over to lean against the wall and take a sip from the red solo cup, which is mostly filled with vodka, before taking in my surroundings for the first time since arriving. There are at least fifty people crammed into the living room performing various mating rituals disguised as dancing. Costumes range from sexy sailor to sexy kitten, so very original. Not that I can talk given my current state of undress, but I'm here as a favor so it clearly doesn't count.

The guys' costumes tend toward the lazy or the humorous. The entire football team decided to wear their jerseys and come as, you guessed it, football players! One particular costume that had me giggling into my drink was the genie whose lamp was strapped around his waist with the words "Rub Me" conveniently located on his 'spout'.

I'm still chuckling over that one when I spot Amber and her minions heading my way. Rolling my eyes I take a deep gulp of my drink. Surely some liquid courage can only help the conversation about to take place.

"Wow Jessie, I almost didn't recognize you! You almost look like a girl!" Amber laughs at her own joke and looks for confirmation from her brainless bookends.

"Amber, I see you decided to go with your daily attire rather than digging up a costume," I give her and the other two a once-over. They're all dressed as trashy school girls in plaid skirts with button down shirts tied in knots mid-torso. Oh, and no respectable school girl costume would be complete without pigtails.

"Very funny, Jessica," she emphasizes the last syllable of my name as if it's an insult.

"Yeah, well I see this would surely be a very stimulating conversation, but," I stop and down the contents of my cup, "I seem to be in need of a refill. Have a nice night Amber. Don't trip on your heals." I begin walking towards the kitchen without waiting for a response.

I hand my cup to the same freshman bartender who made the first drink and he refills it for me. I take a sip, and if at all possible, this drink is even stronger than the first. My head is a little fuzzy as I meander from room to room looking for someone to talk to.

I spot my friend Casey from one of my psych classes and make my way over to her with a wave.

I'm halfway across the room when I'm accosted yet again by the caveman.

"Sugarplum!" he shouts in my face as if he's not standing a foot away from me, "Let's dance."

He wraps one of his tree trunk arms around my waist and begins to tug me back towards the mass of dancing bodies. I plant my feet in an attempt to stop him from dragging me any further. All I manage to do is cause him to turn and face me, pulling me closer. He obviously misread my resistance for playfulness. I place my free hand against his chest and push. He doesn't budge. He just smiles his drunken smile and hugs me closer to him.

The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, my anxiety level shoots through the roof. If I wasn't already three quarters of the way to intoxication I'd have incapacitated him before he was able to get his arm around me like the big, overgrown bear that he is. I'm not afraid, I know how to handle myself. It's just going to take a lot more concentration since I'm seeing two of him.

I'm about to stomp on his instep to free myself when out of nowhere a gothic drag queen appears and places an arm on Caveman's shoulder.

"Hey Mike! I heard Drew was asking for you. Something about getting a beer pong tournament started," my cross dressing savior says, squeezing Caveman's shoulder just hard enough that he loosens his grip on my waist.

"Sweet! Catch you later Sugarplum," he utters as he stumbles through the throng of party goers. I turn and just stare after him in amazement that this guy thinks what he did was acceptable.

"You okay?" the drag queen asks from behind me.

"Thanks. Totally not used to this damsel in distress thing, but he caught me one shot and two drinks deep so I'm a little slow tonight. I appreciate the save, uh …" I trail off, turning to my knight in shiny pleather, trying to figure out what the hell would possess him to come out in public dressed this way. He's in fishnets, high heels, and some kind of leather underwear-corset thing with a curly black wig. Oddly enough, he's still pretty hot despite the drag. His body is tan and toned like he plays a sport that requires a lot of gym time. Too bad Jamie isn't here, this guy would probably keep him entertained for the rest of the night. Can't tell much about his face under the triple layer of makeup though.

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter," he looks at me expectantly.

"Oh. O-kay…" I draw the word out, confused and trying to focus past the alcohol. This new information does nothing to spur any recognition in me.

"Rocky Horror Picture Show, don't ask, I lost a bet," he sighs regretfully then looks me up and down, "I'm loving your costume though."

He smirks at me and I get the distinct impression that he's flirting. Obviously I'm even more drunk than I thought.

"Thanks again for stopping me before I had to break character and go all demonic bitch on that guy," I giggle, raising my cup in a toast and leaving the oddly sexy drag boy staring after me.

"There you are!" Kelsey shouts in my face. She's obviously had more to drink than I have. She's slurring and stumbling in her heels. "Paul is such a bastard. I'm SO done with him! Let's go. This costume is riding up my ass."

I laugh again, chug the remainder of my drink and toss the empty cup in a nearby trashcan. I link arms with Kelsey and we stagger towards the front door, leaving the drunken debauchery behind us.


	5. Chapter 5

The sun streaming through my window is an unwelcome reminder that alcohol and I don't mix well, especially the morning after. I cover my head with the blanket and silently curse Kelsey for dragging me to that party last night. Watching a bunch of frat boys and sorority girls make fools of themselves, then getting groped by a brainless pig, is not my idea of a good time.

I roll onto my side and crack open one eye to look at the clock on my nightstand. The digital readout tells me it's a little past 1PM. Great, I wasted most of my day in bed.

Grunting, I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I don't even look in the mirror before I strip off my shorts and tank top and step into the shower. The last thing I want is another reminder of last night.

I let the hot water pound against my neck and back, soothing my achy muscles, before I turn around and twist the nozzle over to cold. I'm hit with the five second stream of icy water that I use to wake myself up every day before I slam my hand against the shower lever and turn off the water.

Wrapped in a towel I step out into the hallway and hear Kelsey giggling and the unmistakable sound of her apparently-on-again boyfriend Paul's deep baritone voice. Really? How did I miss that one?

I shut the door to my bedroom and begin drying off and tossing on some comfy lounging clothes when Kelsey creeps into my room, shutting the door behind her.

"Thanks for knocking," I say, pulling a comb through my tangled hair.

"Sorry, but do you think you could head to the library or something for a couple hours?" Kelsey asks wearing her most innocent and irresistible favor face, "Paul came over this morning and we talked and well…Jamie already headed over to Brit's to work on some group project, and, I mean…"

She trails off because she knows I already know where this is going. This is the makeup-sex portion of the dance Kelsey and Paul have been doing for months. Kelsey begs us to disappear for a couple hours, and when we return all is well in the world.

"Kels, you really pick the worst days. All I wanted to do was lounge and catch up on my reading today," I tell her as I maneuver my long wet hair into a loose side braid, glancing at her behind me in the mirror.

"I know Jessie, but, it's Paul! I mean you're welcome to stay, but you know what you're getting yourself into. I know you can't concentrate when we—"

"Okay Kelsey! I got it! I'm leaving!" I cut her off before she goes into details.

"Thanks Jessie, I owe you one!" She happily skips out of my room and I hear her door shut then I try to tune out anything I hear beyond that.

I shove my Mac into my tan backpack then throw it over my shoulder. I snatch Kelsey's keys off the bowl on the end table and head out the door, all the while humming a tune to myself on the off chance I don't make it out the door quick enough.

I don't really want to spend my Sunday in the library, so instead I head to the study lounge in Ackerman. They've got the most comfortable couches and I fully intend to stretch out and spend my afternoon with Niko Tinbergen and his four questions.

When I get to the lounge I see that there are only a few other students there and none of them have claimed the long black couch in the center of the room. It's my lucky day, all things considered.

I toss my backpack on one end of the couch and pull my Mac out, getting settled with the laptop on my raised knees while I lay on my back with my head propped on a cushion. If I can't lounge in my bed and study, this is the next best thing I suppose. I pull my glasses out of my bag and slip them on; contacts aren't an option with bloodshot, glassy, hangover eyes.

I spend the next twenty minutes poring over the reading assignment due for comparative psychology when I notice one of the other students in the lounge staring at me from an oversized chair across the room. I cast him a sidelong glance and vaguely recognize him from my creative writing elective. It's a big class, so I've only seen him in passing over the last month or so. But there's something oddly familiar about him, something I can't really place. It's not just that I've seen him in the lecture hall. I feel like I've met him, spoken to him before.

I turn my attention back to my laptop, sure I'm probably mixing him up with someone else. I can still feel his eyes on me so I hazard one more peek out of the corner of my eye and I notice him gathering his things to leave. Oh well, one less distraction. I return my focus to the screen once again.

Someone settles into the seat across from me and I peer over the top of my laptop to see the random guy from across the room hasn't left, instead he's moved closer to me. Oddly enough I'm not freaked out by this, or even annoyed, just curious. Now that he's moved closer I know I've met him before. I just can't place where or when.

He sits back with his long, denim-clad legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He's wearing a dark, navy blue hoodie with some decal that I can't make out because he's got one arm folded under the other and he is blatantly glaring at me, looking either confused or annoyed—maybe both.

I cast my eyes down at the screen hoping he takes the hint that I don't want to talk and leaves me alone. Apparently my lucky streak today only extends so far.

"You were at the Sigma Chi party last night weren't you?" he asks.

I look up, not hiding my eyes this time, "I'm sure a lot of people were at that party."

"Right, but not all of them looked like they'd rather be anywhere but at that party," he smirks, but doesn't take his eyes off my face.

"That obvious huh? I'm not big on frat parties. Well to be honest, I'm not big on parties in general. I was coerced."

He considers that for a moment, "Sounds like an interesting story."

I resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to get any reading done right now and close my laptop before sitting upright on the couch.

"Not particularly. I owed my friend a favor, she wanted to make her boyfriend drool, and she needed company," I tell him, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"Well I'm sure if she was dressed anything like you were, the plan worked," he says, locking his gaze with mine.

I take a good look at him for the first time. He's got dark, chestnut brown hair, short on the sides, long and wavy on the top and a tousled mess, but in an attractive way. I can't tell much about his physique beneath the faded jeans and the hoodie in his seated position, but he looks like he probably fills out those jeans nicely. He's got a strong jawline, not quite square, and a day's worth of stubble that gives his face a sexy edge. I linger a little too long over his slightly full and perfectly sculpted lips before I bring myself to look into his eyes. That's when it hits me. Those crystal clear, blue-gray eyes, slightly long lower lashes, with a twinkle lighting them up look back at me and immediately I'm relieved and disappointed all at once. It's my cross-dressing savior, not some beautiful boy trying to hit on me. I feel let down, and that confuses me because I really shouldn't care at all.

"My protector from the party," I laugh to disguise my disappointment. "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without the makeup, and with all the clothes."

His lightly tanned face heats with a faint blush and he runs his index finger back and forth over the space just below his bottom lip, trying to wipe away an embarrassed smile.

"Yeah, that'd be me I guess."

"What in the world would possess you to go out in public looking like that anyway?" I have to ask.

"I was there with a group. It would've made more sense if they hadn't all ditched me for keg stands at that moment. We lost a bet. Unofficial soccer scrimmage before playoffs start. My team lost, and since I'm captain, I got the shitty end of that stick. Apparently Rocky Horror Picture Show is filled with 'interesting' characters."

"Sorry, I've never seen the movie. Sucks about the bet though. I'm sure you'll rethink the terms next time if it means prancing around in women's underwear all night. Unless, of course, you're into that." I can't help but laugh again, he just looked so ridiculous.

"Trust me, I've got no intention of taking another bet any time soon."

He leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees and fold his hands together. That's when I see the decal on his hoodie is actually the Sigma Chi Greek letters.

"I didn't realize you were in the frat," I say, pointing to his chest.

"Do I lose points or earn them for that?"

"Well, a frat guy automatically starts in the negative with me, bonus negative points if you're a big, dumb jock. Since you don't seem all that dumb, and you came to my rescue when I was too inebriated to deal with that jackass myself, I'd say that cancels out the Greek affiliation." I cringe internally at the thought that I couldn't manage to take care of myself last night when that imbecilic ox tried to make a move. No more getting drunk at parties where I only know one person. Too risky and I don't need to put myself in a situation like that. Not again.

"Glad I was able to redeem myself in your eyes, princess. What exactly do you have against the Greeks?"

I'll be damned if I don't like this guy.

"Just not my particular scene. Prissy, stuck up, rich bitches and dim-witted, horny jocks. I've only come across a few exceptions so far."

He gives me an incredulous look. "Wow. That's a thoroughly misguided judgment based on a few overt mouthpieces for a widely misunderstood organization."

I'm pretty sure he just called me close-minded and presumptuous. Yet I'm not offended, if anything, I'm amused by our conversation.

I put my hands up in mock defense, "Okay Mr. SAT prep, calm down. My dad was in a frat when he was in college, and my best friend happens to be an officer in your sister sorority. I'm not making a biased judgment. Just going by the general majority I've encountered since I've been here."

He smiles a heart stopping, beautiful, crooked smile and I have to silently remind myself that my equipment isn't compatible with his preferences, before I start drooling. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Sorry. I get bent out of shape when I think people are lumping me in with the stereotypes. Why don't we start over? Hi, I'm Dean Delaney," he leans across the short space between us holding out his hand to me.

"Jessie Maddox," I tell him, reaching out to take his hand.

He grips my hand and a shiver runs up my arm and down my spine. His eyes are locked with mine again and I can't seem to look away.

I clear my throat and manage to tear my gaze from his about three seconds past 'awkward' when his cell starts to vibrate in his pocket.

"Sorry, give me a minute," he says, pulling the phone from his pocket to answer.

I lean back, giving myself a second to recover my wits. He makes no move to step away to take the call, so I can't help but listen to his half of the conversation.

"Hey man, what's up? Nah, just getting some work done in the lounge. Yeah, I'll be there for dinner, seven right? Okay. Yup, love you too. Later." He disconnects the call and shoves the phone back in his pocket.

"Hot date?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, every Sunday, like clockwork," he replies with another dazzling smile. That's one lucky guy he was talking too. I can't help but be feel a tiny pang of jealousy that I don't have someone smiling like that after they talk to me. _Why the sudden obsession with coupling Jess? Get a grip. _

"Well, I'm sure you've got to go get ready. And I'm fully planning to go home and get some much needed sleep after last night." I shove my laptop into my bag and remove my glasses to place them back in their case.

"Are you sure sleep is the best thing? You didn't get much reading done thanks to me. Maybe I should buy you a cup of coffee so you can stay awake long enough to get some work done tonight, and I can absolve myself of this guilt."

"Guilt?" I laugh, "I mean, if you're really torn up about this, who am I to turn down free caffeine?"

"My thoughts exactly, that would just be rude, and you don't strike me as that type."

"Oh, and what type do I strike you as?" I ask, curious.

"Still working on that, but I'll be sure to let you know once I draw a conclusion," he says as he stands and gestures for me to walk past him.

Looks like I managed to make a friend, and Dean is the best kind of friend. Eye candy with no chance of complications. I could use some simplicity in my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** _Thank you to everyone who has gotten this far and is still reading! This is my first foray into the world of FanFiction and I'm really excited for any and all feedback, positive or negative-as long as it's constructive! I fully plan on taking this story to its end. I can promise you I will not quit half way through! So if you enjoy it, please stick with me! And feel free to let me know as well. :-)_

* * *

"Ok Jessie, this is crap!" Kelsey yells at me while I'm applying some sheer pink lipgloss in the mirror above the end table next to our front door. "I am losing serious best friend time here and you're not even getting laid! If you were, I could accept that, but come on!"

"Kels, you're being ridiculous. I went for coffee with Dean three times this week, and two were after Creative Writing. You know, the class he and I are both in together? It's not like I'm blowing you off," I tell her, screwing the cap back on the lipgloss.

"But _we_ always go for coffee together," she pouts at me. She really is a big baby sometimes, but I love her.

"Kelsey…would you like to come to grab pizza with me and Dean?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely." She hops off the couch and slides on her flip flops before bouncing up to the door.

"You really are a child," I roll my eyes and open the door, letting her go out ahead of me.

* * *

"_That_ is Dean?!" Kelsey turns to me before we approach the outdoor table at the pizza place.

"Yes, I know, he's very hot, and very gay. Embrace the disappointment. How's Paul by the way?" I ask her pointedly.

"What a shame…" Kelsey says with another glance at Dean and a shake of her head.

"Ok shut up now before he hears you,"

We walk the rest of the way to the table and I introduce Kelsey to Dean.

"Oh, Kelsey and I have met before. A couple of times actually," Dean says, surprising both me and Kelsey.

"We have?" she asks, obviously trying to wrack her brain.

"Not officially, but yes. You've been around the Sigma house a couple of times in the past. Mostly in the morning. Paul's room is next to mine," he explains, avoiding looking Kelsey directly in the eye.

"Oh god. Seriously? You've witnessed my walk of shame?" Kelsey looks horrified.

Dean and I laugh at Kelsey's mortification.

"Don't worry, it only counts as the walk of shame if you're one of many. I can tell you, you're the only girl Paul's been interested in for a while. He doesn't shut up about you actually," he tells her.

"Really? What does he say? What about—,"

I cut Kelsey off as my stomach starts to rumble, "Ok, no offense but I'm starving! You can give Dean the Paul Inquisition after we order."

Twenty minutes later, our pizza arrives and Dean looks like a deer in headlights as Kelsey continues to bombard him about Paul. What he says, how he says it, what his facial expressions are when he talks about her. Poor guy is probably never going to want to hang out with us again.

"Kels, give it a rest. The guy is head over heels, take it for what it's worth," I tell her, taking a slice from the tray and folding it in half before I take a bite.

"Jessie, don't be bitter, we'll find you a guy of your own to obsess over and then you can be just as happy as me," she teases with a smile and a wink. "Hey Dean, any single straight guys on your radar these days? Aren't your people supposed to have impeccable taste? Let's try to find Jessie a date."

"Uh…my people?" Dean looks at Kelsey confused.

"Don't worry, no judgment. Though it is a devastation to the female population that someone who looks like you is playing for the other team."

"Kelsey!" My eyes must be ready to pop out of my head, I know Dean must be just as embarrassed because he chokes on his drink at the same time that I shout at her. Kelsey doesn't have much of a verbal filter.

"What?! It's true," she shrugs.

I turn my attention from Kelsey to Dean. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think it was a big deal, I should've kept my mouth shut. I don't want you to feel like I outed you or something. I just…" I trail off, not knowing what else to say.

Dean narrows his eyes at me, then seems to consider something for a moment before he finally says, "Don't worry about it, not offended at all. And trust me, you definitely didn't 'out' me." He winks at me just as Kelsey did.

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Good. I mean, my brother is gay, and he's so open with everything. I guess I just didn't think."

"No worries," he smiles. "So, what are our plans for tonight ladies?"

"Well, there's this party…," Kelsey starts.

"NO parties!" I exclaim. I've had my fill of sweaty bodies crammed into one room and drunken frat boys looking for a one nighter.

Dean chuckles to himself and Kelsey looks at me with a frown. "Jessie, how are we going to find you a guy if you insist on being a social outcast?"

"I don't get this sudden obsession with finding me a guy. I am perfectly content with my social status, and not wanting to be drunkenly slobbered on doesn't make me a social outcast," I shoot back.

"Dean, is it so wrong for me to want my best friend to find a nice guy of her own?" she asks him.

"Hey, don't get me involved here, I'm just enjoying the show," he leans back in his chair and dusts pizza crumbs off his t-shirt before folding his arms and smirking at me.

"Forget it. Let's just go see a movie or something," I suggest, trying to change the subject.

"There's nothing good playing. How about we go to Cabo Cantina? It's Friday so there's bound to be a ton of single guys on the prowl," Kelsey wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"Uh, wait, how about Q's?" Dean interjects, "It's a little less raunchy than Cabo on a Friday, and we can rent a table for the night. Kelsey, you should invite Paul. He's a kick-ass pool player."

"See now that is an idea I can get behind. Not every single girl has to be 'on the prowl' Kelsey," I fold my arms mirroring Dean and lean back, full from pizza and tired of the uncomfortable topic of my nonexistent love life.

Kelsey rolls her eyes before agreeing. She calls Paul and I look over at Dean. He seems to be deep in thought. I wonder if he'll want to invite his boyfriend to come along. I'm about to ask when Kelsey grabs my hand and pulls me out of my thoughts, and my seat.

"Let's go! Paul's in, we need to go home and get ready. We should probably ask Jamie if he wants to tag along," she yanks me away from the table with Dean following behind us shaking his head.

* * *

I step under the steamy stream of water and prepare for a five minute shower since Kelsey spent half an hour using up most of the hot water in the apartment's shared tank. Our little outing has turned into a group gathering. Jamie is coming with his friends Brit and Christina, Paul is meeting us at the bar, and Dean is patiently waiting in the living room for Kelsey and I to finish primping. I may not be the girliest of girls, but I like to get dressed up every once in a while. Contrary to Kelsey's belief that I'm a social outcast, I like to go out and let loose occasionally. Just not at a party with people I don't know that well, and many that I don't even like. Since we're heading out with a group of people I'm actually quite fond of, I've got no problem putting in a little effort and 'removing the stick from my ass' as Kelsey would say.

Like clockwork, the shower turns frigid just as I'm washing conditioner out of my hair. I quickly rinse away any leftover soap suds and turn off the water before wrapping myself in a towel and stepping out of the shower. My bathroom is cramped but that's the tradeoff. I get my own bathroom while Kelsey and Jamie share the big master bath. I'm totally fine with that considering neither of them understand the concept of hanging up a wet towel, or replacing an empty toilet paper roll.

Since there's no room to move around in the bathroom, I towel dry my hair quickly then rewrap the towel around my body and exit the steam-filled room. I open my bedroom door and nearly have a heart attack when I see Dean reclining on my bed with his outstretched legs crossed at the ankles, both hands folded behind his head. He smiles at me with the crooked smile that would cause me to melt into a puddle at his feet if I didn't already know he'd be more likely to hit on my brother than me. I clear that thought from my mind quickly and walk across the room to my bureau.

"Make yourself at home," I say sarcastically, giving him a sidelong glance as I open my top drawer to take out a bra and matching pair of panties.

"Nothing I haven't seen before. And remember, I'm 'tragically gay' according to Kelsey, so no need to be shy around me. I was getting bored staring at the walls out in the living room." He uncrosses and recrosses his legs, completely at ease.

"Well, make yourself comfortable. I need to brush my teeth and dry my hair," and with that I take my underwear and walk back to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later I walk back into my room to get dressed. Dean has made himself busy with my Kindle, which I left on my nightstand. I'm standing in the doorway of my closet picking out an outfit when I hear a sharp intake of breath followed by a coughing fit.

"You ok?" I look over my shoulder to see Dean staring up at the ceiling with his fist covering his mouth as he coughs.

"Yep, I'm good, totally good, just swallowed wrong, no worries." He continues to stare at the ceiling and cough.

"Ok…" I turn back to the closet and select a pair of stonewashed jeans and a sheer, black, lace long-sleeved top with a black tank top underneath. I bend to grab my chunky black open toe heels and hear Dean clear his throat.

"You sure you don't want some water or something?" I ask, straightening and walking to the bed with my clothes.

"Yeah, you know what? That's probably a good idea. I'll grab it," and with that he gets up off the bed and quickly exits my room.

I'm jumping up and down as I tug on my jeans when he returns. He leans against the doorjamb with a bottle of water twisting in his hands and his lips pressed together trying not to laugh.

"What? Have you never seen a girl trying to get into a pair of skinny jeans?" I ask, out of breath from hopping.

"No, I can honestly say this is a first. But by all means, don't stop on my account," he snickers and flashes a smile that makes me blush. _Off limits. Get over it. Stop looking at his smile. _

"Ha ha," I say, tugging the black tank top over my head followed by the lace overlay. "Here, make yourself useful and help me buckle these stupid things," I point to my ankle as I slide on my shoes and flop down onto the bed.

He crouches down in front of me and rests my foot across his knee to buckle the first shoe.

"So, no date tagging along tonight for you?" I ask, switching feet so he can buckle the other shoe.

"Nope, no date for me tonight. I thought it'd be fun to hang with you and your friends. That's okay, isn't it?" He looks up at me, hopeful.

"Of course it's okay. I'm going solo, and so is everyone else. With the exception of Kelsey and Paul of course," I look down at him with a reassuring smile.

"Good," he says, his hand still resting on my ankle. The warmth from his hand on my skin and the scent of his cologne filter through to the part of my brain that forgets all reasonable thought. I blink twice and tell myself to stop being stupid, then I pull my foot away slowly and stand up.

"So," I twist from side to side as he stands up, "how do I look?"

He pauses for a minute to look me up and down, considering, then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Absolutely beautiful."


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you so much to those who have read, written reviews, and for my very first follower! I am so thrilled that you're all reading my story and I hope you keep coming back! For being so great, you lucky folks get TWO updates this week! Mainly because this is a very short chapter, with a little background info to fill in some blanks. Enjoy!_

* * *

"You look amazing Jess!" Jamie shouts at me over the music as we approach the pool table he's reserved.

I smile at the compliment and introduce Dean to everyone around the table. We were the last to arrive and as soon as we spotted our group, Kelsey made a beeline for Paul. I can't say I blame her.

For a frat guy, Paul is one of the good ones. He's pre-med and looks like a surfer-turned-quarterback with his sun-bleached, wavy hair and a tan, muscular build. He's from a wealthy family but he doesn't throw it in anyone else's face, and he truly does love Kelsey. They've been together since right before this past summer break. Paul and a couple of his frat buddies were spectators at one of my fights. He spotted Kelsey on the side of the ring and they've been dating ever since. Kelsey has quite the temper, so any time they have a disagreement she announces to the world that he's scum and she's swearing off men. A week later, Paul is always there waiting when she comes to her senses, usually with flowers or some other cheesy make-up gift that will put a smile on her face. He really is a great guy.

Dean nudges me with his elbow, breaking me out of my thoughts. "What are you drinking?"

"Oh, um, I'm not sure. I'll come with you. What do you want Kels?" I ask her since she's the only other person without a drink.

"Get me a Long Island," she shouts back from across the pool table.

I turn to Dean and we make our way to the bar. "Awesome. That means Kelsey is getting hammered tonight, so she'll be driving home with Paul and I'll be stuck with her car."

"I can drive Kelsey's car back. I don't plan on drinking that much," he says.

"Are you sure? That means you'll either have to catch the late bus back to the Sigma house, or you could always crash at our place," I offer.

"I don't mind if you don't. I've got nothing planned for tomorrow."

He manages to get the bartender's attention when she makes her way to our side of the bar and orders himself a bottled beer while I get two Long Island Iced Teas for me and Kelsey.

"Going hard now that you've got a ride, huh?" he teases, bumping his shoulder against mine as we lean side by side on the bar.

"Why waste the opportunity right?" I smile at him warmly. Dean fits into our little group nicely. I guess if there's one small sliver of a silver lining about going to that party last weekend, he would be it. I really value my few friends, being so far away from home. Jamie seems to have adapted flawlessly to college life, but it took me a while on account of my overwhelming trust issues, but that's another story. When I first came to UCLA I had my teammates to rely on for lunch runs, homework help, and just hanging out. Once I was kicked off the team, it was just me and Kelsey.

Thank God for Kelsey. We met during our freshman year. She was in my intro to psych class and we were paired up to do a presentation on Freud. We spent most of those two weeks preparing for the assignment by making crude sex jokes and psychoanalyzing our classmates from the back row of the lecture hall. We've been attached at the hip ever since. Kelsey is my partner in crime. When I was almost forced to leave school, she helped me get enough recommendations to stay, and she never misses one of my fights. She's been a breath of fresh air in my dank cave of self-imposed solitude. I don't really enjoy being this way, but I need to look out for myself. Always be on my guard.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Dean murmurs in my ear, startling me and bringing me back to the present.

"Just thinking about how our little group of misfits seems to have embraced you already," I say, placing a twenty dollar bill on the bar and picking up the two glasses the bartender sat in front of us.

"Must be my rapier wit and stunning good looks," he jokes, taking the twenty and replacing it with one of his own before handing it back to me.

"Or maybe it's your willingness to buy drinks and play designated driver," I say with a raised eyebrow at his gesture.

"Ah, so you're just using me for free drinks. The truth finally comes out." He feigns sadness but I have to laugh.

"Considering I had my money on the bar and you chose to remove it, I'd say that conclusion is unfounded." I take a sip of my drink and hop up onto the high chair across from the pool table to watch Jamie and Brit get crushed by Paul and Kelsey at pool. "We've got winner!" I yell over to them.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jessie, have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Kelsey is just finishing her third drink and she's feeling no pain. I'm leaning down to the pool table to take my shot, but when she slams into my side in an attempt to throw her arms around me for a hug I nearly fall over.

"Kels! You made me scratch! Now you owe me a shot," I jab my finger at her before I throw my arms around her myself.

Two hours and three and a half drinks in, I guess I'm feeling pretty good too. I'm actually having fun playing pool with Dean. Jamie, Brit and Christina are sitting at a table sharing a giant plate of cheese fries, scheming over the best way to hook Christina up with some guy at the foosball table. Paul and Dean are laughing at us from across the pool table. They seem to be getting along.

"Dean! Kelsey is buying me a shot. Don't hit on Paul while we're gone!" I grin over at him and wave as we stumble arm in arm to the bar.

"Jessie, I love you. And I love Paul. I even love Dean. I think you should love Dean. He's beautiful," Kelsey is babbling at me while the bartender pours our shots.

I pick up the salt shaker and sprinkle some onto both mine and Kelsey's hands.

"Kels, I can't love Dean. Dean loves boys, remember?" I sway a bit trying to keep my balance on my towering heels.

"That's debatable. From the way he's been looking at your ass while you were shooting pool, I'd say he's over the whole gay thing!" Kelsey licks the salt from her hand, tosses back her tequila, and bites down on the lime as her face contorts from the liquor.

"You're so drunk Kelsey. It's not something you 'get over'," I add obnoxious finger quotes which causes half of the salt to spill from my hand. "He's my f-r-i-e-n-d," I draw out the word for emphasis before I take my own shot.

"We shall see!" Kelsey giggles and wraps her arm around my waist as we make our way back to the group.

My head is spinning a little and I feel like I've got a warm, buzzy, electric current flowing through my body. Is buzzy even a word? It's a funny word.

I plop down on the booth seat by the window next to Dean.

"Hi!" I smile and lean into his side.

"Hey there tipsy, having fun?"

"Tons! And I totally would've beaten you in that last game if it wasn't for Kels…Kelsey," I hiccup mid-word, then cover my mouth as I start laughing.

"Oh yeah? That's debatable," Dean smiles at me and starts laughing himself.

"Oh! Speaking of debatable! So, Kelsey says that you've obviously gotten over being gay because you've been staring at my ass all night, and I should love you because you're beautiful. Isn't she so funny? It's not like you actually 'get over' it, you either are or you're not!" I continue giggling but Dean slowly stops.

He turns to face the pool table with a calculating look on his face. He seems to be considering something. After a minute he glances at me out of the corner of his eye, then looks back at the table. He heaves a sigh before leaning into me, not taking his eyes off the table.

"Kelsey may have a point," he whispers into my ear and a chill runs down my neck causing me to shiver.

I try hard to shake the fuzziness from my head and concentrate on Dean, but his figure keeps going in and out of focus.

"Dean…," I stare directly at him and he's looking into my eyes now, not tearing his gaze from mine.

"Yes?"

"Dean, I—"

"You what, Jess?" He cuts me off, bringing his hand up to my face and brushing his thumb across my cheek.

"…I think I'm gonna be sick."

And I am. All over the floor in front of us.

That's the last thing I remember before the lights go out.

* * *

I'm hanging upside down. I know this because all of the blood is rushing to my head and I can feel my arms flopping around above me. The question is, why am I hanging upside down?

"What the hell?" I ask out loud.

"Shit…" I hear a voice hiss and I squint one eye open just in time to see that I'm plummeting towards the ground.

"No!" I throw my hands out to avoid crashing into the floor.

"Calm down Jessie, I dropped the keys, we'll be inside in a minute."

I hear Dean's voice, but I don't see Dean.

Suddenly I'm falling away from the ground, getting higher and higher. Oh, now I see Dean. Actually, I'm face to face with his ass. Not an altogether horrible place to be. He's obviously carrying me over his shoulder, and I can't find a single reason to object. Which is odd. Normally being manhandled like this would earn someone a broken nose and a couple of black eyes. But with Dean it feels…different, like I'm just happy for the contact.

He must be opening the door because we start moving again. I hear keys hit the table and I close my eyes again when he turns to shut the door. Too much motion.

The next thing I know, I'm falling again. This time I'm falling backwards. I start to panic and just before I hit the bed I latch onto Dean's neck, causing him to fall down with me.

"If you wanted me to stay, all you had to do was ask," Dean chuckles from above me.

He's looking down at me and he raises one hand to brush a few strands of hair off my face. His hand lingers against my hair, his thumb sliding back and forth grazing my jaw.

"What happened? Why did we leave the bar?" I ask, because a lump is forming in my throat from the way he's staring into my eyes, and I need to say something before I do something really stupid and embarrass us both.

"You don't remember?"

"Um, no…if I remembered, I wouldn't ask."

"Ok touchy, calm down. Looks like someone is sobering up a little," he laughs at me. He seems to do that a lot. I didn't realize I was so funny.

"So?" I'm genuinely curious because I can't seem to remember a thing after the last game of pool.

"So…you got hammered. Kelsey bought you another shot and you proceeded to tell me how she thinks I'm straight and you should love me, because I'm just so beautiful. That was right before you threw up all over the floor. And your shoes, which is why you're not wearing any."

I close my eyes because his proximity is causing my heart to flutter and I desperately want to remember the events he's describing to me. I vaguely recall shots with Kelsey. Then I remember sitting by the window with Dean and…

"Wait, you said something to me."

"I did," he confirms.

"You said that she might have a point," I strain as I recollect our conversation, "what did you mean by that?"

"What do you think I meant, Jessie?"

I'm so confused. Why is he saying this to me? He has a boyfriend. He's supposed to be my friend. I don't understand why he's playing this cruel joke, but it's not funny. My stomach is doing awful things and I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the room from spinning.

"Dean, you have a _boyfriend_. You remember, the guy you have a date with 'every Sunday like clockwork'? The guy you said 'love you' to on the phone in the lounge? For Christ's sake Dean, you were wearing fishnets and heels when I met you. Now you're trying to convince me you're straight?" I hold on to the side of my head because, between this conversation and the alcohol, I feel like it's about to tumble off my shoulders and crash to the floor.

"First of all, the costume was just that—a costume. I told you, I lost a bet. There were two other guys from my team dressed as chicks too. Do you think I wanted to be seen in public like that? Try to remember, did I look at all thrilled that night? Other than the two minutes I was talking to you?"

I close my eyes again, trying to think back. No, now that he mentions it, he didn't look too happy to be there. But that doesn't explain the boyfriend.

Anticipating my thoughts he adds, "Oh and second, the 'boyfriend' as you so fondly refer to him happens to be my brother Danny. As big of a pain in the ass as he can be, I do actually love the kid, and I'm not such a macho tool that I can't admit to that in public. He's goes to USC so we meet up every Sunday for dinner."

I blink up at the ceiling as I let this new information sink in. I feel very, very stupid. But wait...Dean is straight. Dean is straight and he's laying next to me in my bed. Dean is straight, laying next to me in my bed…and has seen me practically naked!

"You asshole!" I rear up onto my knees and start slapping him, weakly, but I'm attributing that to the booze.

"What the hell?!" he shouts, bringing his hands up to cover his head.

"Not only did you not correct me every time I assumed you were gay, but you sat here today in my room, on my bed, and watched me while I got dressed?! You're a pig!"

I pull back my fist, about to punch him but with my reflexes hindered by tequila he's able to grab my hand before I make contact. He grips my wrist with his other hand and manages to flip me onto my back, holding both hands at my sides so that I'm unable to inflict any damage. I should fight him, I should _want _to fight him. But instead, I want him to keep touching me. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Ok! Ok, you're right. That was a shitty thing to do. But come on, you made that assumption all by yourself. I didn't even realize you thought I was gay until Kelsey blurted it out today. How could I not have a little fun with you? And for the record, I didn't realize you were going to be walking around in your underwear. Why do you think I had to leave the room?"

"Well obviously it wasn't because you have a boyfriend and my lady parts make you nauseous," I turn my head away from him and frown like a petulant child. Hell, I feel like a damn petulant child right now. How could I be such an idiot?

"No boyfriend. Or girlfriend for that matter. And nauseous? Far from it…"

Now that's some interesting information. Not only is he straight, but he's single. Suddenly our position on the bed is the only thing occupying my mind.

Dean's body is pressing mine into the bed and he's still got his hands around each one of my wrists, binding them to my sides. This should incite panic and sheer terror as it always has in the past, but it doesn't. His face is only inches from mine, and he's staring at me again like I'm some puzzle he's trying to piece together. My head is foggy, but this time I don't think it's because of the alcohol. In fact, I think this revelation has effectively sobered me up. My breath stutters in my chest as I exhale and I swear I can feel every muscle in his body as he leans against me. My eyes are fixated on his lips, they're perfectly shaped and absolutely mesmerizing, especially when they're moving.

Wait, his lips are said something to me.

"What?" I ask, attempting to blink away my intrusive thoughts.

"I said, you look beautiful when you get lost inside your head. I can always tell when you're deep in thought. You get this little V right here…" He releases my left wrist and brings his thumb up to touch a spot between my eyebrows.

My breath catches when his skin brushes mine. I can feel my cheeks start to flush. He trails his thumb across my forehead and down the side of my face until he stops on my chin with his index finger curved underneath it. At this point, my breathing has ceased all together.

He lowers his face to mine until his forehead is leaning against mine and his lips are agonizingly close.

"Jessica…," his thumb skims over my bottom lip and I feel like I'm going to pass out right here beneath him, "…breathe."

I let out a rush of air and he rolls off of me and into a seated position facing away from me on the side of the bed. I feel like I just took a hard blow to the chest with my guard down. I'm panting like I ran a marathon.

I turn my head to the side and see Dean leaned over with his elbows resting against his knees and his head in his hands, raking his fingers through his messy, brown waves. I start to reach my hand out to him just as he stands and walks towards the door.

"What…why…?" I stutter half-questions at him, not understanding why he's leaving so suddenly.

"Relax Jessie. I'm just going to sleep on the couch. I think it's best that we get some distance right now, given the fact that you've already drank yourself sick once tonight. Plus, if I'm next to you one more minute, I'm going to forget that I'm _not_ supposed to be a big, dumb, horny jock. I doubt either of us would care right now, but you might feel differently in the morning."

As if the fact that he's gorgeous, and that being with him is now an actual option, wasn't enough, he just earned about fifty points by not taking advantage of my lack of inhibitions in my drunken state. I wish my body felt as grateful, but right now it is completely at war with my brain and is trying hard to convince me to ask him to stay.

"Get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning. Hopefully you'll be able to breathe around me by then," he laughs and shuts the door behind him.

I cross my arms over my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't feel like I'm going to get sick again. In fact, I feel fine. Embarrassment and raging hormones are apparently the key to sobriety. I get up and grab a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top from my bureau, then crack the door open and tip toe to my bathroom. I stand at the sink brushing my teeth for much longer than I need to. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that this boy that I've shared so many cups of coffee and silly, pointless conversations with over the past week might actually be interested in me. I think about all the things I wouldn't have said or done had I known that he was potentially datable. I cringe over a few moments, not the least of which being me jumping up and down in my underwear trying to get into a pair of skinny jeans while he watched. I may be happy about this new development, but that doesn't mean I forgive him completely for keeping me in the dark. He's got some groveling to do.

Who am I kidding?

I place my toothbrush back in the medicine cabinet and open the door to creep back down the hall to my room. Before I turn to my door I peek my head around the corner towards the living room. I see his feet hanging over the arm of the couch and I inch a bit closer. He seems to have fallen asleep already, so I just stand there and watch him for a moment. His face looks much softer, younger, when he's sleeping. I wonder what would happen if I just leaned over the couch and brushed my fingers over those long lashes, those lips…

"Goodnight Jessie," he utters with his eyes still closed. The corners of his mouth turn up in a smile, and I feel my face heat again with embarrassment.

"Goodnight…" I mumble and rush into my bedroom, closing the door behind me and leaning against it with my hands covering my face.

What a night.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: As always, thank you for all the views! To the reviewers, I appreciate you more than you know. Please know your feedback is wanted, needed and so very welcome. Enjoy the character cameo from the original text in this chapter! :-)_

* * *

What is that god-awful noise and why hasn't anyone stopped it yet? It sounds like… Ugh, it sounds like my phone.

I reach out to the nightstand where I plugged it in to charge before I fell asleep. I manage to knock it to the floor which results in my swearing and rolling over to pull it up by the cord. I answer it just in time.

"Hello?" I rasp.

"Well good morning to you too sunshine!" My mother's cheery voice booms through the line like she's speaking through a megaphone.

"Unghh..." I grunt.

"So I'm guessing you were at the library pretty late last night huh? You sound fabulous."

"Sorry mom. I was out at the pool hall with Jamie and some friends. I had a couple of drinks. A couple of very strong drinks. Then I came home and crashed." I lay back down and cover my face with the blanket to block out the sunlight streaming through the window.

"Jessie, please tell me you aren't out every night partying with your brother. I know he's getting it out of his system before he starts his internship next year, but you've got to stay focused. Have you thought any more about what you might want to do once you finish up next Spring?"

I sigh. My mother means well. She just wants to see me happy. It makes her nervous that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. She has no idea that I quit my low paying administrative job at the Resnick Neuropsychiatric Hospital in favor of fighting a few nights a month for a much larger payout. I have a feeling my dad would be much more understanding, given the fact that he basically did the same thing to put himself through school. Unfortunately, he can't keep anything from my mom and she would be on the first plane to California if she found out. Mom is more wary of the paths I tend to choose for myself. She's got her hands full with my little brother Jared. He's fourteen and is more work to keep up with than Jamie and I were together. It's probably because there's such a large age gap between us. I'm sure being the baby plays a part too. He keeps her occupied a good bit of the time, but she still carves out half an hour once or twice a week to call and check up on us.

"Mom, I don't know what I want to do beyond next year, but I don't want you worrying about me. I'll figure it out. I always do," I say, thinking about how I figured out a way to protect myself when no one else could, and how to remain in school when I lost my scholarship. It's no lie that I know how to take care of myself if need be.

"I know baby, I know. It's hard for me, you're my little girl. Jay has everything all mapped out and I just don't want you to get overwhelmed and off track. You know I just want you to be happy," she says, echoing my earlier thoughts.

"I am happy mom. I'm enjoying college and when the time comes, I'll figure out what comes next. How's Jared?"

"Oh, please don't even get me started on your little brother! He's got two little girls named Haley and Katie following him around at school. I swear that boy is more like your father than you and James ever were."

I laugh, _Oh if you only knew mom_. I think about my baby brother having a girlfriend, or girlfriends. He's so young, I'm sure mom is just overreacting. Then again, if half of the stories my Aunt Mer told me about my dad are true…

"Hey, is dad around? I want to say hi," I ask.

"No sweetie, he's out with Jared at Uncle Trent's house working on his bike. He said he wants to show Jared the ropes for when he gets his first bike in a couple of years. Over my dead body! But I let him think he's calling the shots. That's how you've got to handle these men Jessie. Especially Maddox men."

I smile to myself. My mom and dad are still crazy about each other and that's nice to see. So many people I know come from divorced families, I just think it's nice to be in the same place for the holidays and have a good model for my own relationships. Assuming I ever have one.

Oh crap, speaking of relationships…Dean.

"Hey mom, I've got to run. I just remembered there was something I've got to deal with today. I'll call tomorrow night to try and catch dad ok?"

"Alright Jessie, love you."

"Love you too, mom."

I press 'End' on the phone and sit it back on the nightstand before I roll out of bed. I totally forgot Dean was still sleeping on the couch. Looking in the mirror I see a nightmare of frizzy, tangled hair and dried up streaks of black mascara. Yanking a brush through my hair with one hand, I wipe underneath my eyes with the other. Seeing that there's no hope where my hair is concerned I pull it up into a high ponytail and walk down the hall to the living room.

When I see the couch is empty, my heart sinks. He left. My somewhat happy mood has completely diminished in a matter of seconds.

I turn towards the bathroom so I can get a shower and wash off the shame of last night. That's when I hear two things simultaneously: the water, which has apparently been running, turns off and a cell phone starts ringing. I look at the end table next to the couch to see the black phone lighting up and buzzing in a circle. That's definitely not Jamie or Kelsey's phone. Which just leaves one person.

The bathroom door opens and my heart stops beating. I know it stops, because three seconds later it starts pounding again and I can feel it in my toes, my fingers, I can hear it in my ears. I am frozen in place as Dean steps into the hall with a towel wrapped low around his waist and water beading on his chest. Those muscles I thought I felt when he was on top of me last night? Yeah they definitely weren't my imagination. Oh I am so, so very screwed.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you. I thought I turned it on silent."

He rushes past me to grab the phone and silence it. While his back is to me I take a moment to compose myself. I'm practically drooling. _Get your shit together Jess_.

When he turns back to me I'm marginally less pathetic than I was a moment ago, but I still can't keep my heart from skipping a beat when his eyes meet mine and the corner of his mouth turns up in a half smile.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks me.

"I think I should be asking you that question."

"Not gonna lie, your couch is not the most comfortable place I've crashed, but it's definitely not the worst," he continues to smile and I notice the water from his hair is slowly trickling down his forehead. _Focus girl_.

"There was this one time during freshman pledge week when I woke up in the bed of a truck. I think I've still got a kink in my back two years later."

"You'll definitely have to tell me the whole story some day." I cross my arms and lean against the wall of the hallway trying to seem casual.

"How about today? Do you have any plans? I was thinking we could go down to Santa Monica pier and hang out." He adjusts the towel around his waist and I lose all semblance of control over my thoughts.

"Um…" _Think Jessie! He asked you a question. What was it? Plans…something about plans today._ "No, I don't have any plans today."

"Well now you do," he grins at me as he reaches out to tuck an escaping tendril of hair behind my ear. "Let me get dressed so you can get ready."

He walks past me and back into the bathroom. I lean back against the wall and squeeze my eyelids together so tight that I see bursts of light. I breathe deeply in through my nose then slowly expel the breath from my mouth. Doesn't help. I still can't think about anything other than the way that towel clung to Dean's hips, and how there was nothing underneath it but him. Mind. Gutter. So not good.

"All yours." Dean walks past me and I catch a whiff of my shampoo. I have no idea why that is such a turn on, but I need to get in the shower _now_ and turn up the cold water. Otherwise this day with him is going to just become an extension of my humiliation from last night.

I throw my clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor and step into the shower. The same shower Dean just spent several minutes in. Naked. Cold water...yes, that's what I need. I don't get through five minutes before I hear fingernails drumming on the door. It swings open then slams shut before I have the chance to say anything.

"Tell me everything!" Kelsey squeals and I hear the lid on the toilet drop so I assume she's settling in for a story.

"I don't know what you're referring to," I play dumb while I finish shaving my legs.

"Jessica Dianne Maddox, do not make me go ask that boy to give me details because you know I will."

"Ok! But there's really nothing to tell," I begin while I wash my hair. "After I puked all over, thanks for that by the way, he took me home. While he was putting me to bed I may or may not have accidentally yanked him down on to the bed with me. Nothing happened though. Oh but you were right last night, he's not gay."

"I knew it! I knew that boy had a thing for you! The whole time we were at the pizza place yesterday he couldn't take his eyes off of you. And forget about last night, you should've gotten a room together the way he was eye-fucking you."

"Nice Kels. Real nice," I say as I rinse the last of the soap off.

"Well it's true. So what now?" she asks, obviously not happy with the lack of juice in my details.

"We're going to Santa Monica pier for the day."

"Oooh, so it's your first official date?!" she claps her hands like a happy seal.

"Calm down! We're just going to hang out. He said nothing about a date. Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm sure now that he isn't keeping his little game going and making me look like an idiot, the interest will fade."

I throw back the shower curtain and reach for a towel just as I hear a throat clear and a brief knock on the bathroom door. For the second time today, my heart stops.

"Hey Jessie, Mark from Sigma is swinging by, I'm gonna head back to the house with him so I can grab my car. I'll be back to pick you up in about half an hour," Dean says from the other side of the door.

My eyes are wide and I glare at Kelsey, wondering how much of our conversation he heard. "Ok! Great! I'll be ready!"

"Oh and Jess?" he pauses before adding, "It's definitely a date."

I hear his footsteps fade, then moments later the front door shuts. Kelsey jumps up, grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me twice. "Come on, we need to make you hot!"

Trust me, I think to myself, when Dean is around that is most definitely not a challenge.


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure you don't want to borrow my wedges?" Kelsey asks me while she sprays something that smells very beachy into my hair. She twirls a few random strands around her fingers before shaking and scrunching it all out.

"Considering the fact that your wedges are about five inches high and I'm going to be walking on a pier all afternoon, I think I'll pass. But thanks for the offer!" I say sarcastically.

"Fine, but please don't wear those raggedy flip flops," she pleads as she hands me a pair of large silver hoop earrings.

"I happen to like my flip flops, they're comfortable." I put the earrings on and turn to the mirror to apply a coat of mascara and some clear, pink tinted lip gloss.

"Ugh. Whatever. Let me look at you," she grabs my arm and turns me towards her.

I'm wearing the aforementioned flip flops along with blue denim shorts and a loose fitting, thin-strapped white shirt that flows out around the mid section.

"I still think a dress would've been a better idea," Kelsey complains.

"Not in October on the pier Kels. The last thing I want is to have to worry about keeping a dress from blowing up around my hips and flashing my ass to the world."

"But it's such a great ass," Kelsey smiles at me. She can sense that I'm nervous and I know she's trying to make me feel better.

"Thanks. Really though, do I look okay?" I ask, tugging on the shirt so that it covers my stomach completely.

"You look amazing, you always do. Stop worrying. He already likes you. Why else would he hang around you all week, deal with last night's events, and still ask you out?"

"To further his torment of me with the whole gay thing?"

"Stop. If anything, it's more flattering that he kept it going. He wanted to get closer to you without you worrying about the fact that he was hitting on you. He wanted you to be comfortable with him. I think it's sweet," she says, sitting on the edge of the bed across from me.

"Oh please, he got a kick out of it. He was probably just waiting for the moment I realized it so he could laugh in my face."

There's a knock at the front door and Kelsey's eyes light up before she bounces out of the room. I take a minute to give myself a once over in the mirror and a mental pep talk. I tell myself to relax. This is no different than all our trips to the coffee shop. Except for the part where he called it a date. That's definitely new.

Screw it.

I walk into the living room and Kelsey gives me a discreet thumbs up before I grab my purse and keys. I approach Dean and he trails his eyes from my head to my feet and back again. I suddenly feel like I'm not wearing enough clothes.

"You look beautiful," he says, holding the front door open for me.

I can't help but smile up at him as I walk past. "Thanks, you clean up pretty nicely too."

"I try. After all, I've got an image to maintain right?"

I cringe and punch the button for the elevator.

"Sorry, guess it's not as funny now that you're sober."

I narrow my eyes at him. "It wasn't very funny when I was drunk either."

I brush against his arm as I step onto the elevator and I can feel a crackle of electricity as our skin touches. I rub the chills from my arm and press the button for the ground floor. I hazard a glance out of the corner of my eye and immediately wish I didn't. He's leaning back against the side of the elevator, the sleeves of his black henley pushed up to his elbows while his hands are shoved in the pockets of faded jeans. He is unabashedly staring at me with a half smile that makes my heart speed up and cheeks flame. I quickly refocus my eyes on the elevator doors in front of me, silently willing them to open.

Once we're outside, he steers me towards his car and opens the door for me. I feel a little flutter in my chest at the sweet gesture. We ride to the pier mainly in silence. I don't know what to say and when I finally peek over in his direction I see that he's staring at me from the corner of his eye. I look down at my hands twisting in my lap and an involuntary smile takes over my face.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to the road?" I tease.

"If you wanted me to pay attention to the road, you probably should've worn jeans and a turtleneck. Even then, I couldn't make any guarantees."

He pulls into a parking space and grabs a leather jacket from the backseat before we get out of the car and head towards the pier. It's late in the season but the pier is still bustling with tourists. There's a cool breeze coming off the ocean and I know by nightfall I'll be wishing I brought a jacket myself.

We poke in and out of a couple different shops looking at silly souvenirs and rows of postcards. We decide to walk down to the end of the pier to a Mexican restaurant overlooking the water for lunch. We're seated on the patio and I can hear the waves crashing beneath us. It's such a gorgeous day.

"So, all week we've talked about classes, my photography plans, your still-to-be-determined psych plans, friends, books…I want to know more about you. Where are you from?" Dean asks me after we place our order with the waitress.

"Back east, a small town in southeastern Pennsylvania," I tell him as I remove the lemon from my water before I take a sip.

"You're kidding." He eyes me with a speculative glance.

"Nope, serious. My parents both went to Eastern University. My dad was a local and they settled down in the area to be near family," I explain.

"Small world," he squeezes lemon juice into his water and swirls it around with his straw. I nudge my lemon in his direction so he can make use of it as well. "I'm from Philadelphia. Born and raised."

"No way, really?" He's lived half an hour from me my whole life. Very small world.

"Pretty random that we lived so close and ended up meeting here, now, three thousand miles from home. Kind of like it was meant to happen this way." His sky blue eyes lock with mine and I have this urge to reach across the table and touch his hand, just to make contact.

Luckily the waitress chooses that moment to bring out our food. I came so close to looking very stupid. Again. She drops off the plates then leaves us alone and Dean resumes his line of questioning.

"Tell me about your family," he says as he begins to put together his fajita. I build my own as well before I dive into the story.

I tell him how my parents met at college and how my Aunt Mer and Uncle Shep met there as well. I talk about my four uncles and Papa Maddox. He's surprised to hear that I've got a younger brother. He asks me questions about each member of my motley crew of a family and I can tell he's not just feigning interest. He really wants to get to know me. My heart gives a little flutter.

"So your brother Jamie is a card shark, and Jared is a ladies man, so where does that leave you?" he asks.

I hesitate. It's kind of an unwritten rule that we don't talk about the fights to outsiders. Only the fighters and the spectators, who are part of the inner circle so to speak, are aware of what goes on. Breaking into a gym in the middle of the night and gambling illegally over unauthorized fights is sort of frowned upon, even if the guy spearheading the fights has a key. As if they weren't good enough excuses to avoid the topic, the reason behind why I do what I do is too hard to talk about and I'm not ready to explain them to him. I decide to skirt around that part of my life for now.

"I guess I'm just a mystery," I give him a brief smile and wipe my hands on my napkin then push my plate away. "Thank you so much for lunch, it was delicious."

"I knew you'd like this place. I've come here with Danny a few times."

"So is Danny your only sibling?" I ask.

"Yeah, just me and Dan. Mom figured two boys was as much as she could handle so that's where they stopped." He smirks and leans back to rest his elbow over the back of his chair, never taking his eyes off of me. It's a little unnerving, the intensity of his stares. Yet I can't say they're all together unwelcome.

"What about your dad, is he happy with his two boys?"

He looks uncomfortable for a second before he composes himself. "Oh I don't know. He had his daughter with his mistress to dote on once Danny hit high school, so I'd say he rounded things out nicely. He went off and it was just me, mom and Danny. Danny lost it a little, didn't really know how to cope. He needed his dad, or thought he did. He got into some stuff that he wouldn't have if it wasn't for the fact that his dad abandoned him. He fell in with a bad crowd and it took me about a year to get my brother back. We're pretty close now because of all the shit we've gone through together so I guess I should thank the bastard, huh?"

"Wow. That…that really blows. I'm sorry," I say, my stomach twists for this poor boy who's father abandoned him when he needed him the most. He talks about how Danny handled it, but doesn't mention himself. I know it must've been rough trying to parent his brother and try to hold his own feelings back.

"No worries. It was a few years back, we've recovered. My mom found my stepdad Nick, who's great. She loves him, he loves her, and doesn't have a secret life that no one else knows about. Things worked out for the best in the end."

I feel a tug of sympathy for his family, and for him. I know what it's like to go through something and not have anyone to open up to because you're too busy looking out for everyone else to consider yourself.

This time I don't fight the urge to reach out and place my hand over his. Right before I lower my hand, he flips his over so that our palms are resting against one another. The warm current is there again, humming under my skin. I look from our hands to his eyes and I can tell he feels it too. He shifts his hand so his fingers lace with mine and skims his thumb over the back of my hand. I have to fight the urge to lean across the table to touch his lips with mine.

He finally tears his eyes away from mine and reaches for his wallet to pay our tab.

"Come on," he says, "you can't come to the pier without hitting the rides."

* * *

"Ok, I haven't done this in a while so go easy on me," I bite my lip to keep from smiling.

"No way, the rougher the better! I hope you're ready."

A bell rings and I lurch forward as I'm hit from behind. I quickly turn the steering wheel and extract myself from the pile up of cars in the corner before I make a beeline for Dean. I slam into his side and begin laughing like a lunatic. I haven't ridden the bumper cars in so long, I forgot how fun it could be.

We take turns chasing and bumping into each other, every hit causes us to laugh even harder. It's been a while since I've had this much fun. As the bell rings again we both skid to a stop. I unhook the seatbelt and stand up as Dean holds his hand out to help me from the car. I grin like a fool at the gesture and completely miss the step on the outside of the car which results in me falling face first into his chest.

"You ok?" Dean tries to help me gain my footing by wrapping one arm around my back and the other around my waist. I straighten just as my body registers our proximity and my knees threaten to go weak all over again.

"Um…" I'm staring into his eyes and my train of thought has completely derailed.

He brings one hand up to my face and rests his palm against my cheek. His thumb sweeps back and forth twice and he starts moving in slowly when—

"Watch it!" A young boy shoves past us nearly knocking me off balance again. He shouts to his mother that he wants to go again and I take the interruption as my chance to back away and start breathing. Apparently I had stopped for a few seconds. He seems to have that effect on me.

"I guess pedestrians aren't safe on the bumper car roadway." He reaches one arm behind my back to steer us both off the ride and back to the safety of the pier.

We spend the next two hours playing games and Dean munches on cotton candy, which I politely refuse since just the smell makes my stomach start to churn. The sun has already started to set and the sky is turning a brilliant orange with a dark, dusky blue trailing the edges, trying to swallow up the last of the light. We're leaning over the edge of the pier on our elbows, he's holding the paper cone topped with a cloud of pink and blue spun sugar, tearing off huge chunks and shoving them into his mouth while he smirks at me.

"So you really won't do it? I'll be right next to you. I promise, nothing will happen."

He's been trying to get me to ride the ferris wheel with him for half the time we spent trying to win cheap boardwalk prizes.

"If I do this, you will owe me. Big. I mean, huge." I'm not fond of heights, and slow heights over an ocean full of breaking waves is pretty much the least fun thing I can think of right now.

"Fine, you go on this ride with me and I will do anything you ask. As long as it doesn't involve me in lingerie. Let's face it, there are just too many misunderstandings to be had in that situation." He winks at me and snags another chunk of cotton candy before grabbing my free hand in his and dragging me towards the line for the ferris wheel.

"If I puke or pass out, just remember, you asked for it," I say to him as the ride attendant opens the gate to the seat and flashes me a concerned look.

"Don't worry, I live in a frat house. It's nothing I haven't seen before, on numerous occasions actually. Besides, I've seen you puke already. I'm unfazed."

Dean takes a seat and holds out a hand to help me into the space next to him. I grip the top of the safety gate with both hands until my knuckles turn white.

"Close your eyes."

"What?" I turn to face him.

"Close your eyes. Trust me." His eyes are so sincere, I have no choice but to do as he says.

I feel the wheel start to move and my stomach flip flops as our car sways back and forth with the movement. I don't dare loosen my death grip on the gate. I feel Dean shift next to me and I shiver when his warm breath tickles my neck.

"Relax," he whispers to me.

"Trying," I force the word out just as the wheel jerks to a stop. I know we're hanging in mid air and the thought alone causes my entire body to tremble.

"Hey, Jessie, calm down. It's alright, I promise, I've got you," he soothes and I feel his arm wrap around my shoulders, pulling me close to him as he repeats, "I've got you."

Suddenly I'm trembling for a completely different reason. His arm is warm and strong, I can feel his muscles rippling as he rubs his hand up and down my arm in an attempt to calm me and banish the chill from my arms all at the same time. I loosen my grasp on the gate and concentrate on breathing evenly.

"Trust me now Jessie. Open your eyes," he murmurs, so close I can feel his lips brush slightly against my ear.

I take a deep breath and squint my eyes, then open them fully as I take in the sight in front of me. We're stopped at the top of the ferris wheel and stretched out before us is nothing but ocean and sky. The sun has dipped all the way down to the horizon and the sky is like an oil painting with streaks of oranges, pinks, purples and blues all merging together beautifully on a giant canvas.

"So beautiful," I sigh, in awe of the scenery.

"I know," Dean whispers in agreement from his place next to me, but from the proximity of his voice, I have a feeling he isn't looking at the view.

I tear my gaze from the sky and turn my head to the right to find Dean's eyes on me. In the fading light, they've taken on an eerily smokey quality that is almost hypnotizing. He removes his arm from around me to thread his fingers through my hair, coming to rest at the back of my neck. He leans toward me slowly, pulling me closer at the same time. With a slight gasp of breath I place my hand on the spot between his shoulder and his chest and let my eyes close as the space between our lips grows smaller by the second.

My stomach drops and my eyes pop open as we're suddenly jerked into motion and the wheel begins spinning again. I drop my palm from Dean's chest and return my hands to the safety gate. This time it is not to hold it closed and keep me from falling to my death. Now I'm gripping the gate in an attempt to calm my frayed nerves over the most intense almost-kiss I've ever experienced. As the wind rushes past my ears I hear the breath whoosh out of Dean's lungs in a deep sigh and I slant my eyes toward him just in time to see him lean his head back and scrub his hands over his face in frustration.

_Oh believe me_, I think to myself, _the feeling is definitely mutual._


	11. Chapter 11

Feet finally planted back on the ground, we make our way off the pier and onto the bike path to the sandy beach below. Somewhere along the short walk, Dean's hand finds mine and I can't find a single reason to protest. Instead I lace my fingers with his and walk with him to the edge of the paved pathway. The last thing I want to do is let go, but my flip flops are sure to hinder me walking in the sand so I reluctantly pull my hand away and bend to remove them. Hooking the plastic straps over my fingers, I link my other hand with his again as we stroll toward the surf.

As we get closer to the water I shiver and goosebumps pop out all over my arms.

"Here," Dean says as he shrugs out of his leather jacket and wraps it around my shoulders.

I mutter a thank you as I push my arms through the sleeves. Instantly the warmth left on the jacket from his body seeps into mine and I'm comfortable again. I breathe in the scent lingering on the soft leather. I'm not sure if it's his cologne, his soap, or just him. Whatever it is, it's making the muscles in my stomach loosen and my head swim with thoughts of getting closer to him so I can continue to breathe it in.

Abruptly he stops walking and I pause beside him, looking up in confusion.

"Sorry, did you have plans to take a dip while we're down here?" Dean asks lightheartedly.

I snap back to reality and realize how close we are to the water's edge. We take a few steps back to the dry sand and sit down side by side. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them to keep warm. Dean stretches his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles and leans back on his hands.

"Sometimes when things get crazy at the house, I go for a run and more often than not, I end up here," he tells me, staring out at the darkened sky which can no longer be distinguished from the water.

"It's so peaceful out here at night. I can see why you come here."

"Yeah it's a great place to just sit and think. I feel like I can just forget the world when I'm here. Guess it's a little cheesy, huh?" he asks me as he turns his head in my direction.

I look back at him and can just make out his features in the faint moonlight. The shadows make him look dark and a little dangerous, and very…sexy. I drag my teeth across my bottom lip and let my gaze linger on his lips. All of a sudden they're moving and I'm so wrapped up in my steamy thoughts that I completely miss what he's saying.

"Huh?" I try to shake myself out of my self-imposed trance.

He chuckles and looks down at his feet, "I said earth to Jessie. Am I boring you?"

"No, no definitely not," I sputter trying to save face, "I just got lost in my thoughts for a minute."

"Care to share?" he raises his eyebrows in question and the corner of his mouth quirks up.

"I…um…" I trail off because once again I can't take my eyes off of his mouth. I blink and force myself to look him in the eye. This time he's looking at me with the same intensity I felt a minute ago when I was staring at him.

"Jessie," his voice is barely a whisper as he lifts his hand to my jaw, trailing his thumb across my bottom lip.

There's a rushing sound in my ears. I can't tell if it's my heart thundering in my chest, or the waves crashing on the shore. All I know is this time, there's nothing to interrupt us.

I turn my body towards his and place my hand against the side of his neck. I can feel his heartbeat racing, an echo of my own. Our lips are a breath apart, Dean's eyes are on my mouth and I slowly wet my lips. This sends him over the edge and in an instant he crushes his mouth to mine. All the anticipation from this afternoon has built into an overwhelming need. I move my hand from his neck to his hair and gently tug to hold him close. He brings his other hand to my cheek and holds me in place as he ravishes my lips. I can't help it, I want more. I part my lips and he takes the invitation immediately. His tongue sweeps into my mouth and tangles with mine. I moan lightly as he takes the kiss deeper.

Unable to get enough, I wrap both arms around his neck and pull him into me. Dean removes one hand from my face and wraps it around my back, lowering me to the sand. With the other hand he wraps his fingers around my thigh, just above my knee, and brings my leg to rest against his hip and he leans into me. In this new position I can feel that more than just his lips are aching for me. Instinctively my hips press into his and the connection causes us both to moan deeply, the sensation flooding my senses and sending my head spinning into oblivion.

Suddenly I'm aware of the sounds from the pier above us, the games and rides flashing their lights against my eyelids, and I feel the small hills of sand against my back. His hand slowly traveling up my thigh sets my heart racing but not for the reason it should. My heart is racing, my blood ices over and I completely freeze up.

Dean has slowed to a stop and looks concerned, like he's about to ask me what's wrong. A dull ringing sound penetrates the air and pulls me back to my senses.

"Shit…" I mutter when I realize the ringing is coming from my pocket.

I fumble for my phone as Dean brings his forehead down to rest against mine, struggling to calm himself.

"I'm so sorry, just give me one second," I mouth breathlessly, secretly grateful for the distraction.

He nods and rolls to the side. I finally free my phone from its denim confines and push the green button to answer it.

"What?" I exhale into the phone, still trying to calm myself.

"J, it's D. Got a high four-figure fight going down tonight, 12:30. You in?"

I squeeze my eyes tight as I consider what just happened. Everything was fine, amazing, and then I'm like a deer in headlights. Now this. I hate to leave him, but the words "four-figure" creep into my brain and I know I can't turn this match down. Plus, I need some time to get my head straight after what just happened and pounding the shit out of some girl is the perfect outlet.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I reply. I hit the red button and shove the phone back into my pocket.

I lift myself up onto my forearms and look over at Dean. He's laying in the sand with the heals of his hands pressing into his eyes. I can't help but giggle a little at the exasperation that is so evident in his body language. Now that I've got some breathing room and my mind isn't stuck in places it shouldn't be, I'm able to find humor in his predicament.

"Oh I'm glad this is amusing you," he mutters before lunging for me and tackling me back onto the sand.

"Never! It's horrible," I struggle to breathe while his fingers dug into my ribs, tickling me. "Downright tragic!" I laugh so hard I cry. The tears stream down the sides of my head into my hair. When he finally feels I've had enough, he brushes the hair from my forehead where it has flown in my struggles. Tucking it behind my ear, he lowers his lips back to mine. This kiss is nothing like our first. It's soft, teasing, and unbearably sweet. No feelings of terror enter my mind. I relax into him and sigh, wrapping my arms around his back. Knowing it's getting late and I have to get ready for my match, I bring my hands back up to his face and kiss him one last time before I pull back.

"It's getting late…" I murmur against his lips.

"Is this my punishment for torturing you over the past 24 hours?" he jokes and moves in to kiss me again. I place two fingers against his lips causing him to pause.

"Well it wasn't, but now that you mention it I have been trying to think up a good revenge plot," I smile up at him and he heaves a sigh of resignation before pushing himself to his feet and reaching a hand back down to help me up. The grin on his face lets me know he isn't actually upset which sets my mind at ease.

"Come on, I'll get you back home. Wouldn't want to monopolize your revenge-planning time, especially if this is your idea of payback." He smirks and hands me my flip flops.

He doesn't let go of my hand as we walk back to the bike path, up the steps and into the parking lot. He walks around to the passenger side and I think he's going to open the door for me but I find myself pinned between Dean's tall, lean body and his car. He places his hands on my hips and runs them up my sides then around my back as he pulls me close and lowers his mouth until it's hovering just above mine.

"Since I don't want your brother or Kelsey giving you the grand inquisition I figured it'd be best to handle the goodnight kiss now."

I purse my lips as I look up at him, "Well that certainly seems like a sensible solution."

"Trust me, there's nothing sensible about my thought process. I just can't seem to get enough of you…" He trails off as he brings his mouth down to meet mine, and once again I'm hit with an onslaught of sensation. Kissing Dean is different from any other experience I've had. Everywhere our bodies meet is like a flash of fire dulling to a warm ache that spreads and leaves a tingling pulse in its wake. The nerves in my body start firing and I lose all coherent thought. Which is evident by the fact that I'm currently considering pulling him into the backseat with me and showing him how much I wish I didn't have to leave him. All the anxiety and hesitation I felt when lying under him on the beach is gone, as if it were never there to begin with.

Thoughts of the present trickle back into the forefront of my mind and I once again pull away. This time I leave my hands tangled in his thick dark hair and fix my eyes on his. I can't help the ridiculous grin that takes over my face and he brushes the dimple in my cheek with his thumb before placing a chaste kiss upon it. He leans close to my ear and I have to force my body not to shudder at his closeness.

"I'm glad you came out with me today."

"Me too. Thank you for an amazing afternoon, and an…interesting evening," I hear a giggle escape and internally scold myself for coming off like a dippy sorority girl. _Pull yourself together Maddox!_

"The pleasure was definitely all mine." Dean reaches behind me to unlock the door and I step aside so he can open it.

We both slip into the car and Dean holds my hand on the gearshift for the short ride back to my apartment. As promised, our connection outside the car back in the pier parking lot was our last. He rides the elevator to my floor and walks me to the door like a gentleman. I tell him it isn't necessary but years of good breeding won't allow him to compromise his manners.

"Just because we've already done the kiss, doesn't mean I can't walk you to your door to say goodnight."

He's so sweet and unlike the typical jock meatheads and rich, yuppy snobs I've come across in the past two plus years. Then again, I haven't exactly put forth an effort to get to know anyone of the male persuasion since I got here. Still, I have a feeling Dean is unique in that sense. He hasn't pushed me any farther than I've been willing to go, but he certainly makes it known that he would be willing to venture as far as I'd allow. Standing in the hall like this, only feet away from my bedroom, it's taking all of my willpower not to invite him in. I've got to keep my head together. I've got a fight in a little over an hour.

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck in an all-too-brief hug. "Thank you again for today. I haven't had this much fun in ages."

"Well that's completely unacceptable. I insist that you have this much fun at least once a week. In fact, I'm going to make myself responsible for ensuring you let lose and enjoy your college experience from here on out. And I promise, no frat parties, unless you want to go," he winks at me and places a chaste kiss on my cheek before backing away towards the elevator. The doors open instantly and I raise my hand in a dazed wave as he disappears behind them.


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: Every day I am amazed at the number of views this story is getting! I can't say enough how much I appreciate the readers, reviewers and my very first favorites and followers. This story is far from over, so please stay tuned!_

* * *

"Damn Jess you KILLED that chick! I think she's still seeing little birds floating around her head after that last hit," Kelsey is bouncing up and down next to me as I unlock the door to let us into our apartment.

The match David set up for tonight was supposed to be a big ticket match up, as much as an underground fighting ring at a yuppy college can be. Unfortunately for my opponent I was still flying high on adrenaline from my day out with Dean and nothing she threw my way broke my stride. Sad for her, but excellent for me since I was now 7K richer than when I left for the fight an hour and a half ago. Talk about easy money.

"It was definitely a good night."

"Yeah? And what about your day? How did THAT go?" Kelsey wiggles her eyebrows at me as I snag a bottle of water from the fridge and plop down on the couch next to her.

"It went…unbelievably well," I tell her. I don't really want to get into all of the details, and definitely not my internal freak-out on the beach. I'm exhausted and I can practically hear my bed calling my name.

"Come on, you have to give me more than that!"

"What more do you want? We spent the day together, I found out we actually grew up less than an hour from each other, he likes ferris wheels and is a really great older brother. Can I go to bed now?"

"Jessie! Ugh, you skimp over details like it's your job."

"If I give you one detail will you let me go to sleep?"

"Only if you make it a good one," she qualified.

"Ok well…he is the best kisser I've ever kissed, especially when he does this thing with his tongue…"

"Damn, Jessie! That's the making of some serious pent up sexual frustration right there."

"Kelsey, you seem to forget that I've got nothing but pent up sexual frustration," I counter.

"I know that. But this is the first time I've ever seen you get close enough to a guy to even consider the distant possibility of dealing with those frustrations."

She's right. Of course she has no idea about my real reason for keeping men at arms length. No one does, except maybe Jamie. There are the surface issues which those closest to me assume are the reasons I don't hook up with guys all the time. I'm busy keeping up this façade with my parents, and working my butt off in the ring to make money so that I can stay in school. That's all true enough, but my issues are more complicated than tuition and rent payments.

"I just met him Kels, I'm not going to jump into bed with him tomorrow. It's just nice to…feel something for a change."

With that, I hoist myself off the couch and trudge into my room. I'm so tired I don't even bother with sleep clothes. I just toss off my pants and flop onto the bed in my underwear and a tank top. I drift off to sleep instantly, willing the memory that has intruded too many times today away and focusing on the present.

* * *

We're back in the living room, when Dean sauntered out of my bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. Except this time instead of letting him retreat back into the room to change, I push him back against the wall and wrap my arms around his broad shoulders while I devour his mouth. He lifts me up so that I'm forced to wrap my legs around his waist. He backs me into the wall and I feel myself slam into it as he drags my shirt over my head. When he lowers his mouth to the lace covering my breast, I moan his name and press him closer.

"Jessie…" his voice is a rasp, filled with desire.

"Dean," I groan again as his hand replaces his mouth.

"Jess wake up," he says louder now, his voice suddenly no longer filled with the urgent need from a second ago.

It's then I feel myself being pulled out of the dream and falling back into reality.

I blink my eyes open and see Dean sitting on the side of my bed, his hand cupping my cheek, his sparkling blue-gray eyes studying my face. I have an urge to pull him down to me and continue where my dream left off. It's only then, as I begin to wake up fully, that I realize I'm still laying on top of my covers in only a tank top and a skimpy pair of underwear. Modesty wins out over lust and I jerk up into a seated position and do my best to yank the blanket over my lower half. Dean looks away and holds back a laugh.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom Dean?"

"Hey, calm down, I was on my way back from my morning run and I thought you might like some coffee so I brought you a cup," he explains innocently.

"That's very sweet of you, but you seem to have left out the part where you ended up on my bed," I cross my arms over my chest, still feeling much too exposed.

"Well, your brother was kind enough to let me in and he and Kelsey both insisted that I come right in here since you were probably already awake."

"How helpful of them…" _Note to self: kill them both later_.

"So," Dean starts, "have any good dreams last night?"

I'm suddenly all too aware that he's looking at me with an aura of amusement obvious in his facial expression. I briefly recall the dream I was having right before he woke me and immediately feel my skin heat from my face down to my chest.

"Nope. None at all actually," I bluff, hoping he didn't actually observe anything.

"Really? That's so strange…I could've sworn you moaned my name, twice actually, before I decided to wake you up."

Eff my life. With no other viable options to escape my utter humiliation, I yank the pillow off the bed beside me and cover my face with it as I sink down onto my back. _Dear lord, just take me now. Save me from the embarrassment yet to come. _

I hear Dean's throaty laugh and if it's possible I turn six more shades of red. I feel his hand on mine as he coaxes the pillow away from my face. Unwilling to meet his stare head on, I turn to face the window on the other side of the bed. His hand comes up under my chin and he pulls me back to look at him.

I can actually feel tears forming. I don't think I could possibly be more mortified.

"Jessie relax. I'm sorry for making fun of you. Honestly, if you were around for my dreams last night I'm sure you'd have heard a lot worse."

The fact that he's admitting that he was dreaming about me last night ignites a fire deep in my belly. I bite my lip as I consider what he might have been thinking about.

"And the reason I woke you wasn't to make fun of you," he leans forward until his mouth is nearly touching mine, making me all too aware that I haven't yet brushed my teeth. "I woke you because if I let you keep moaning my name like that, I don't think I could've stopped myself from taking you right here and now."

Just like that, all the air in the room is gone and my poor heart has once again ceased it's rhythmic beating at the mercy of this man.

"But trust me, when I do finally get to touch you, you're going to be fully conscious and aware of every second." With those final words, Dean lowers his mouth to the pulse just below my jaw and allows his lips and tongue to give me a preview of what he was just referring to.

Before my brain is able to direct my body to react, he's pulling away and standing up next to my bed.

"I won't be around tonight since it's Sunday and I'm having dinner with Danny, but I'll text you once you've had time to…recover."

He smiles and walks through the door, closing it behind him. His fresh, woodsy scent swirled with sweat from his run lingers in the room, drugging my senses. I close my eyes and concentrate on steadying my breathing. Turning my head, I squeeze one eye open and see the tall cup of coffee, from what I now think of as our coffee shop, sitting on my nightstand. Damn, he really is thoughtful. And sexy. Athletic. Smart, without being pretentious. Funny, even when a lot of his humor is taken from my awkwardness. Let's not forget his amazing body. _Man, am I in trouble_.

I reach out to grab the cup and take a long sip, scalding my tongue. At least the pain gives me something else to focus on. God knows I need a distraction right about now.


	13. Chapter 13

This time I know that I'm dreaming. There's a fuzzy quality about everything, but it still feels like everything is happening to me in real time. Maybe that's because it did.

I can smell the cloying scent of cotton candy and funnel cake from the carnival not a hundred yards away. The grassy hill is steep and we're out of view of anyone who might wander behind the trailers and game kiosks. It's dark, the only light coming from the rides a short distance away. I feel the unyielding lumps of dirt digging into my spine as he presses all of his weight on me.

"Wait, wait, stop," I squeeze my hands between our chests and try to push him away so I can breathe again. I manage about three inches of space.

"Come on Jess, you can't stop me now. You're killing me."

"I'm sorry, I just—I'm just not ready Will."

"Well I am."

He crushes my hands between us and brings his mouth back to mine. The sour, acidic taste of beer penetrates my system and I know he was drinking with his idiot football buddies again before he sought me out at the carnival with Jamie and his friends.

My mind is racing and I can't gather my thoughts to figure a way out of this. His belt is digging into my hip as I try to squirm out from under him. He pins my legs to the ground with his. His barrel chest is still pinning my arms against my own tiny frame. I'm completely helpless. My breath stalls and panic sets in. I manage to tear my face away from his ruthless assault.

"Please! Don't do this Will!"

"Shh, it's okay babe, it'll only hurt for a minute."

When his hand rakes up my thigh and under my skirt, I cry out. That's when he slaps my face and clamps his hand over my mouth. The sting radiates from cheekbone to jaw. I whimper against his palm and tears burn their way down my cheeks. I try to squeeze my legs shut but it doesn't thwart his attack. I hear the cotton of my underwear rend. That almost inaudible sound snaps me back into control of myself. I _need_ to get away from him. Now.

I lock my ankles together and force my knees up between his legs with as much power as I can muster. It doesn't do much damage because of the way he's positioned above me, but the surprise of my retaliation shocks him and he shifts to the side, clutching himself.

"You fucking bitch!"

Before he can regain control I throw my weight to the side in an attempt to roll out from under him. I end up on my side and he wraps his massive arms around my body immobilizing my arms yet again. I twist and struggle but I'm not strong, I can't break his hold. I kick back but my feeble attempts are met with a chuckle.

"You're making this harder on yourself! Just relax, I'll make it quick," he snarls in my ear as one hand covers my breast and squeezes hard.

_Think Jessie, think! _

Suddenly I realize the only part of my body I still have full control over. I stop struggling long enough to tip my head forward and rear back, cracking my skull into his nose. I feel something wet on the back of my neck and all at once I'm free from Will's grasp.

He's swearing, rolling around on the ground with his hands pressed to his face in an attempt to staunch the bleeding. I don't wait around for him to recover. I start running up the hill toward the flashing lights and sounds of the carnival, panting with the effort. I don't turn around for a second.

When I see Jamie's face, obviously scouring the crowd looking for me, and our eyes meet, my body finally sags in relief and I slow to a walk. Relief replaces terror and exhaustion sets in. I walk into Jamie's arms and the tears begin pouring from my eyes.

* * *

That is how I wake up. Tears are still streaming down my cheeks and my body is covered in sweat. I haven't dreamt about that night, in that much detail, in so long that it completely disables me and I can't yet force myself out of bed.

I must have fallen back to sleep after Dean's visit. The sun is shining brightly through the blinds so it's most likely past noon. My heart is thundering in my ears as I regulate my breathing and remind myself that it's over.

I finally manage to pull myself up into a seated position. I scrub my hands over my face, banishing the salty streaks. I can't believe I'm still so affected by that bastard, six years later. I refuse to let that night contaminate my life again. It almost creeped in last night, and I know that's what brought on this dream. But Dean isn't Will. Dean is a good guy. Will was a bastard I was young and dumb enough to trust because he was too popular and funny and nice to _ever_ do anything bad to me. He turned out to be a cheating, steroid-fueled piece of garbage who forced himself on me when I made him wait too long for the only thing he really wanted to begin with.

But Will is long gone, and even if he wasn't I can take care of myself now. I'm no longer helpless. I'm no longer a victim. I'm a god damn fighter.

So why do I want to curl up into a ball and cry right now? Deep down I guess I know what my problem is. I just don't know how to be with a man without worrying that the same thing is going to happen again. Logically I understand that Dean and Will are two different people. The rational side of my brain knows that I haven't once felt a moment of fear or anxiety over anything Dean has done with me. But the scared little sixteen year old inside of me still worries that he'll turn into someone else when he wants what I'm just not ready to give. Just like Will.


	14. Chapter 14

"Ok, what's with the moping? Didn't you have a date last night?" Jamie is sitting in the recliner across from me while the TV plays in the background. I'm sprawled out on the couch, lost in my thoughts as usual.

"Yes I went on a date last night. Contrary to popular misconceptions, men aren't the only thing women think about." This, of course, isn't true in the current case. Ever since I woke up this afternoon I can't keep my mind from wandering back to last night and how I freaked out. My nightmare didn't help things, but it has leant me some much needed perspective on what the heck happened out there on that beach.

"My super twin powers tell me that you're lying. What's up? No love connection with the soccer stud?"

I cast a steely glare in his direction before turning onto my side to face the TV.

"Seriously Jess, you're quieter than usual and something feels off. Why aren't you out with Dean right now? Did he do something wrong?"

"No…he didn't do anything. And it's Sunday, he's having dinner with his brother. They meet up every week. I think it's sweet." I twirl my hair around my finger, still moping.

"Well that is a fabulous idea. Come on." Jamie tosses a pillow at my head, missing by a few inches and hitting the couch instead.

"Come on where?" I sit up.

"Let's go grab some food. I know we live together so there's no need to make a thing of it, but when is the last time we hung out, just the two of us?"

"Um, let's see, that would probably be before we came out to California, Mr. Popularity." I joke with him, but that's probably accurate. Jamie never had a problem making friends and opening up to people. I'm more content with a couple of close friends who understand my hermit-like tendencies. The less I open myself up, the less I have to worry about letting the wrong people in.

"Well then, we're way past due. Let's go, I'll tell Kelsey we're borrowing the car. Go drag a brush through that rat's nest on your head. Meet you downstairs!" He strolls down the hall to Kelsey's room and I reluctantly trudge down the opposite hall to my room.

It's not that I don't want to spend time with my brother. I just don't think I'm up for conversation right now. I've got too much to think about, and curling up in some sweats with a pint of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream is the best way for me to deal with the turmoil brewing in my head. Reluctantly, I comb through the tangles and tie my hair up in a high ponytail, spray on some citrusy perfume and swipe some pink gloss on my lips. I don't bother changing my yoga pants and loose t-shirt. I'm not feeling particularly dressy and I doubt Jamie is planning to go anywhere fancy.

Once we decide on a place to eat, we drive in silence until Jamie pulls up to the multicolored entrance of the Akbar Indian Restaurant we've tried once before. Once we're seated at a corner table and our orders are placed, Jamie picks up where he left off.

"I can tell something is bothering you. I'm hoping that buttering you up with dinner will help pry the information out of you."

"It's a start, but I think frozen yogurt for dessert would really help to loosen my lips."

"Jessie, come on. You've been skirting around this all day. If this douche did something to you, I need to know so I can pay someone to kick his ass since, lord knows, I'm not equipped to handle such an undertaking."

I laugh for the first time all day. He really is such a goof, and I know he means well. Maybe talking about it with him would help me to shed some light on this crappy situation I've put myself in.

"I had a nightmare last night."

"Was it clowns? Because I hate those clown dreams, especially that guy Pennywise from _It_—"

"Jamie! I'm serious. No clowns. I had a nightmare about that night…" I play with my napkin, twisting and untwisting it around my fingers.

"Wait, you mean the carnival? Why would you even be thinking about that? Did that piece of shit try to contact you? Because I know I promised never to say anything to anyone since he dropped off the face of the earth, but I can have Dad—"

"No! Nothing like that. I guess…I mean, I think it's because of Dean." I look up and Jamie's face has completely contorted in anger.

"I'll fucking kill him." He starts backing his chair away from the table.

"I don't mean that he did anything! Jeez Jamie, will you let me get this out?"

"Well stop beating around the damn bush and maybe I won't have to jump to conclusions!" He scoots back in, tears off a piece of flat bread and throws it at me.

"I don't even really know what the deal is. I guess it started when I went on the date with Dean. He's the first guy that I've even considered getting close with since…since Will. We were on the beach and, I don't know, I guess the scene was a little too familiar. It reminded me of that night, but at the same time it was nothing like that night. I was having a good time, I wanted to kiss him, he wasn't even remotely forcing himself on me. Then somehow we ended up in the same position that Will and I were in when he tried to…" Jamie reaches across the table and pats my hand to let me know I don't have to continue the thought. He already knows every detail of that night. When he ran back to the hill to find Will that night only to see that he was long gone, I broke down and told him every detail. Then I made him swear never to speak of it again.

"…and then all of a sudden my entire body reacts like he slapped me. I froze up completely and if it weren't for my phone ringing I think he would've started asking questions.

Then when I fell back to sleep after he dropped off coffee this morning, I have the dream. But it was more like a flashback. Everything played out like I was there again and I woke up in tears. Now I'm nervous to even be in the same room with Dean because what if I have another freak-out? I can't talk about this with him. Not yet."

I swirl my straw in my iced tea and watch as the ice spins around and around. Jamie seems to be pondering my monologue carefully. The waitress brings our food to the table and I pick at it with my fork, all semblance of an appetite lost due to the topic of conversation.

"Look Jess, you've never talked to anyone about that night and I don't think that's healthy. Honestly, if I wasn't there at the end you probably wouldn't have even told me. That piece of garbage was lucky he was gone by the time I found out what he did and then his family up and moved a couple of weeks later, but I still wish you would've pressed charges, or at least told Mom and Dad. You know they'd have taken care of it. Shit, Dad probably would've buried the bastard in his parents' backyard. Regardless, the fact that you don't talk about it means you're burying it inside of you. You're not facing it. So of course it's going to surface every once in a while until you get it all out."

He's right. Of course he's right. Doesn't make it any easier. "Jamie, I don't want to face it. I taught myself how to fight, how to protect myself. I studied every video I could get of Dad from college, I trained at the gym, I could kick that son of a bitch's ass if he showed his face here right now. I don't see why that isn't enough. I'm over it."

"Jessica, you're not over it. Your mind is telling you that you're not over it. It's been six years, and you can't even make out with a guy that you actually like for fear that the way he touches you will send you into a panic attack. Stop kidding yourself."

"So what the hell do I do then? How do I deal with this?" I lean my head back against the booth waiting for some Yoda-like wisdom.

"Trust him. Open up to him. I know you and you wouldn't be so torn up if he wasn't a good guy, you'd just walk away like you always do. The only way that you're going to get past what happened is to be vulnerable enough to let him in so he'll understand everything. I know it doesn't make sense because all you ever want to do is fight, but for once you're going to have to stop fighting unless you want to push him away like you do everyone else." Jamie tilts his head to the side and gives me a look that is so like our mother I almost smile.

"I don't push everyone away. Just the people I don't like." I dig in to my chicken as a distraction.

"Then, sweetie, you must hate the world." He shakes his head and scoops up some rice.

"Precisely. I'm selective about the people I want to hang out with. You're lucky we're twins, you automatically make the cut." I give him the wide, cheesy grin that I always use when I tease him about something.

"Since we've moved on to the avoidance portion of our program, I'm assuming you don't want to talk about this anymore. Just don't forget that I'm right down the hall if you need me. I'm the only person you can talk to about this right now, so I want you to come to me if you feel like this again."

"I know Jamie. And I will. It did help talking to you about this, just so you know. Maybe someday I'll be ready to talk to Dean about it too. Just, not yet."

"Talk to me about what?"

I had been looking down at my plate, picking at what's left of my food, otherwise I would've seen Dean over Jamie's shoulder. Since I didn't, the look on my face is nothing short of comical, what with my mouth bobbing open and closed like a fish, my eyes wide looking from Jamie to Dean and back again.

"About how she talks in her sleep. It's a real issue but since you two just started dating, that shouldn't be a problem for a while, right Dean?" Jamie saves the day again, even though I'd love to smack him for that last bit.

"I've actually had a little bit of experience with Jessie's sleep talking. In a totally platonic way," Dean laughed and raises both hands and backs up a step when Jamie eyes him suspiciously. "She was rambling on about something this morning when I dropped off the coffee."

"Hi, still sitting here," I say now that the shock of seeing him has worn off and the topic of conversation has been safely diverted.

It's now that I notice Dean isn't alone. There's another guy with him, about the same height but much bulkier in stature. Not that Dean isn't muscular, but this person looks like he's got at least forty pounds on him. I look up at the crooked smile and blue-gray eyes and deduce that this has to be his younger brother.

"You must be Danny?" I ask holding out my hand.

"Yeah, and you've got to be the girl my brother has been going on and on about this past week." He shakes my hand and his smile widens. Different nose and face shape, and his hair is buzzed short while Dean's is long on the top, but when he smiles there is no mistaking them for anything but brothers.

"I can only imagine…" I cringe, hoping he didn't mention the fact that I thought his brother was his boyfriend. But Dean is just staring at me with a smile on his face, seemingly not even paying attention to our exchange.

"So were you stalking me or did you guys just decide you needed some Tandoori chicken as badly as we did?" Dean asks with his eyebrow raised.

"We were inspired by your brotherly tradition. I don't spend nearly enough time with my sister and we had a lot to talk about," Jamie says pointedly to Dean. I appreciate the protective brother routine, but it's really not necessary with Dean. They've already met and got along perfectly fine the other night at the bar. Then again, that was before we went out on a date.

"I bet. Sorry, I'm a little thrown off still, I wasn't expecting to see you both tonight. Danny this is Jamie, Jessie's twin brother. This is my younger brother Danny. He plays football for USC."

"Nice to meet you," Jamie says to Danny with a nod. "We were just about to hit Menchie's for some froyo before heading back to the apartment. You guys wanna tag along?"

_Damn it, Jamie!_ I silently swear. I glance down at what I'm wearing. Now I wish I had decided to change. My baggy t-shirt is hanging off one shoulder and my yoga pants are one of my favorite pairs which have been around for a few years, making them slightly tighter than appropriate. All I can do is plead in my head for them to say no.

"Sure! Sounds great!"

_Thanks Dean. Thanks so very much._

* * *

"Wait, so have you been to the new Comcast building in Philly yet? The structure is amazing." Jamie and Danny discovered something in common. Apparently Danny, while being at USC on a football scholarship, is also an architecture major like Jamie. Needless to say, the conversation has been quite one sided between the four of us since this little discovery was made.

I look across the table at Dean as I scoop up the last of my frozen yogurt and notice that he's staring at me fairly intently.

"What?" I ask quietly so as not to disturb the fascinating conversation next to us about steel frames and non-reflective glass. "Do I have yogurt on my nose or something?"

He just raises one corner of his mouth in a half smile and looks down at his hands for a moment before announcing, "Hey Danny, it's getting kinda late. I'll catch you next Sunday alright? Your pick for the restaurant."

I'm internally very disappointed. While we weren't really talking, I was enjoying just being around him. And now he's leaving.

Both men stand and embrace in a quick one armed hug with audible back-slapping. So male.

"Love you man."

"Love you too bro, later." Danny sits back down to continue his conversation with Jamie. I look up at Dean through my lashes, unaware of how he'll expect us to part. A simply goodbye, a hug, a kiss?

"Come on," he holds his hand out to me.

"Huh?" I'm confused.

"Guys I'm gonna take Jessie home since it's on the way, and you obviously have much to talk about in the fascinating world of design structure."

"Cool, thanks Dean, I appreciate it." Jamie stands and quickly shakes his hand before dragging me up for a hug. While I'm floundering for speech at this point Jamie whispers in my ear.

"Tug your shirt down further on the left shoulder and fluff up your hair. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

I pull back and look at him like a deer in headlights.

"Bye sis, see you back at home!" He gives me a light shove in Dean's direction.

"Um, yeah, bye…" I mutter and toss a brief wave in Danny's direction as I turn and walk out of the shop with Dean's hand pressed against my lower back. Now what?

As Dean briefly breaks contact to open his car door for me, I look up at his profile and see he's no longer got the amused smile on his face from a minute ago. Instead he looks like a man on a mission. It both confuses and excites me.

I slide into my seat and while Dean is busy closing the door and rounding the hood to his side, I do as Jamie said and begin tugging and fluffing until everything is in its proper place.

We drive in silence, I look over at Dean from the corner of my eye but he seems lost in thought. I leave him to it and just sit back, enjoying the view. The lack of light makes his eyes look shades deeper. He's got his hair smoothed back and slightly to the side which is a great look on him. There's a muscle in his jaw that twitches every minute or two. I want to reach over and sooth his obvious tension, but I don't. I wonder what he's thinking about.

He pulls into a parking space and I tear my eyes away from him for the first time since we started driving. I turn to open my door before I realize we're not at my apartment.

"Um, did you get lost?" I ask half joking.

"Nope, I'm exactly where I want to be," he says as he turns off the ignition and exits the car, making his way over to my door and pulling it open. I sit, staring at my surroundings for a moment, before I take his outstretched hand and pull myself to my feet. I look around and realize we're at a park a few blocks away from campus. I relax, but only marginally, because I still have no idea what we're doing here.

"I wanted to go for a walk, I figured I might as well have a beautiful companion," he says smoothly, holding out his hand for mine.

"Okay," I say slowly, taking his warm hand in mine, "a walk then."

* * *

**Author's Note:** _So what do you guys think? What does Dean have up his sleeve? Guess you'll have to come back next week and see! :-) If the faithful haven't yet figured it out, I'm trying to post at least once a week-mainly on Thursdays. If it's a short chapter, sometimes I'm really nice and I'll toss you a bonus chapter. So for all of you reviewing and asking me to keep going and not forget about you, trust me, I've got plenty more stockpiled and I'm writing more every week! Special shout out to my new friend in Greece for the awesome review :)_


	15. Chapter 15

We've been strolling around the park for at least ten minutes and he hasn't said a word to me. I shiver, probably due to my exposed shoulder, and Dean let's go of my hand, wrapping his arm around me instead. We never break stride, just continue walking seemingly aimlessly around the park. I lean into his side and let his body warm me up. He smells amazing and even though I'm curious as to why we're wandering around a park at eleven on a Sunday night, I could do this for hours if it meant being near him like this.

As if he heard my thoughts and decided to appeal to my curiosity, Dean pulls me to the base of a large coral tree and turns me to face him. I lean back against the trunk, waiting for him to tell me why he's brought me here.

"I was really surprised to see you tonight," he says, dragging a hand through his hair before moving in closer to me.

"Good surprised or bad surprised?" I ask, looking up at him.

"What do you think?" He brings his forehead down to rest against mine, placing both hands on my waist.

"I think…that we just walked around this park for half an hour so you could make out with me under a tree." I can't help but giggle as his lips move to hover an inch from mine.

"Hey, just say the word and I'll take you home."

"Not a chance." I grab his face in both hands and pull him to me.

Regardless of what is going on in my head lately, kissing him makes me forget everything. Our lips are crushed together and he takes a step forward so his body is pressed against mine. Thank god for this tree because I would be a puddle of hormones and yoga pants on the ground without it. I lower my hands to his neck, then run them across his chest, feeling his solid muscles beneath my palms before bringing them to rest on his shoulders.

He slides his hands from my waist up my ribcage and I suck in a breath as his thumbs skim the sides of my breasts. He takes advantage of the opening and teases my tongue with his. The sensation evokes a moan from me and if it's possible I mold myself to him even more.

I tear my lips away for a second to breathe and it's both the best and worst decision ever because he seizes the opportunity to trail his lips across my jaw and down to my neck.

"Oh god, Dean," I whisper before I even realize the words are escaping my mouth. I run my hands through his hair and urge him on.

"Wait," he pants, breaking away from me.

I think I whimper, it must be me, I don't know what else could sound so pathetically needy. "For what?"

"Jess don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you want me to take you up against this tree. So damn gorgeous, with those big doe eyes," he shoves both hands through his hair and clasps them behind his head as he paces a small circle in front of me.

"What's so bad about that?" I ask, trying to bring him back to our little bubble from a moment ago. There's not a whole lot of seduction behind my words though. He called me gorgeous and it makes me a little giddy.

His eyes flash up to mine. The heat behind them staggers me, even from a few feet away. "Don't say things you don't mean Jessie. You have no idea what you're saying."

He's right, of course. The few interludes we've had in the last couple of days are as far as I've ever taken it with a guy. While my body is screaming at me to tell him I know exactly what I'm saying, in my mind I know that I would never let it get that far. Who knows how my mind would even react? Reluctantly I take a deep breath and push off the tree. I take a step, then two until I'm next to him. I take his hand in mine and pull him into a walk next to me.

"So, what _did_ you bring me here for then?" I swing our joined hands slightly between us, careful to keep it fairly platonic.

"Well, as much as I enjoyed getting to spend a little more time with you, I did have an ulterior motive." He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb as we walk back in the direction of the car.

"And that would be…?"

"It's a proposition really."

"I'm listening," I say, totally confused at this point.

"Well, Thanksgiving break is coming up in a few weeks, and Jamie mentioned yesterday that you two are staying local this year since your family is going to be getting together at Christmas instead."

I'm still pretty bummed about that. It happens every year though. We either make a big deal for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but almost never both. It always depends on all my uncles and whether or not everyone can make it back home. I'm fully preparing myself for a lonely takeout meal for me and Jamie and a binge marathon of The Walking Dead.

"So," Dean continues, "I wanted to know how you feel about maybe taking a trip up the coast? I've been wanting to get out to Carmel ever since I declared as a photography major. The coastline and cliffs in the area will make for some amazing shots to build up my portfolio, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather go with."

All of a sudden my palm feels like it's starting to sweat in his. My stomach does a little flip flop and I am not sure how to respond. Almost a whole week alone with Dean? Am I ready for that? What the hell am I saying, of course I'm not ready for that, we just went out for the first time this weekend! I've only known him for a little over a week! But it's not like he's asking me to go tomorrow. It's almost a month away. A lot can happen in a month…

"Man, I'd really love to know what you think about when you disappear like that."

His voice shakes me out of my thoughts and I realize I still haven't said a thing since his invitation. "Sorry, I do that a lot huh?"

He stops walking and turns to me, speaking quickly. "Look, no pressure. I just figured we could spend some time together without roommates and brothers and the annoying frat guys you love so much. It's cool, if you'd rather not go, it's not a big deal. I—"

"Do you think that's wise?" I ask, cutting him off mid sentence.

"What?" He's clearly thrown by my interruption.

"You. Me. Romantic beaches and cliff sides, I mean do you recall five minutes ago we could barely keep our hands off of each other in the middle of a park two hundred yards from a jungle gym?"

"I wasn't implying…I mean, I didn't ask you just so that we could—"

"I'm not saying no." I say quickly.

"Huh?"

"How about this: a bet. If you win, I'll go to Carmel with you for Thanksgiving."

"And if you win?" He counters.

"I'll get back to you on that one, I have to think about it."

"Alright…what are the terms?" He asks hesitantly.

In all honesty, I'm just trying to buy myself time. I'm not really sure if I am ready to go away with him given the fact that I'm pretty sure I know what's going to happen if I do. Instead of answering, I employ the only stall tactic I can come up with at the time in order to give myself some time to think.

"I don't know if I can fully trust your intentions, I mean we just met a little over a week ago. So to prove that you're not just asking me to take this trip with you because you think it'll be an easy way into my pants, no kissing, no touching the danger zones, no more rolling around on my bed making me insane. From now until the last class is over before break, you keep those hands, and lips, to yourself, and you win." I smile. I'm feeling very proud of my quick thinking.

That is, until I take a good look at Dean. His smile matches my own, but he's got a sly gleam in his eyes which makes me wonder if I just made a huge mistake.

"Deal."


	16. Chapter 16

It has been exactly twenty days since Dean and I made our bet in the park. He was a complete gentleman when he dropped me off at the apartment, just like he was during every coffee, study and dinner date since then. He kept his word when he said he would make it his mission to help me have fun and actually act like a college student. We've gone hiking, spent the day at the beach, went roller blading near the pier, he's made the last couple weeks the best since I started school nearly three years ago.

All this time spent together has made me really edgy though. We hold hands, he'll wrap his arm around my shoulder, he finds ways to drive me crazy but he never breaks the rules. My rules. My stupid, impulsive, completely pointless rules. He's really trying to win this bet, and I'm resenting ever having come up with this stupid idea in the first place. Now I understand the devious look on his face when he heard my terms. I am losing my mind. He knew this would drive me ten times as crazy as it would him because my no touching exile was self-imposed. He has something to prove. I'm just torturing myself.

Kelsey has taken every opportunity to remind me how much I have completely and utterly screwed myself. Including now, while we're sunbathing on the roof of our apartment. It may be mid-November but it's still a warm 75 degrees today in good old smoggy L.A.

"You do realize that by the time Thanksgiving break rolls around you are going to be so totally pent up that you'll probably jump him on the five hour drive up the coast." She flips onto her back on the folding lounge chair, lifting her sunglasses so that she can see my reaction to her latest epiphany.

"Kels, I swear, if you mention the damn bet one more time I'm going to push you off this roof."

"Come on Jessie! He has been a total saint for almost two weeks and you're having sex dreams about him while you're daydreaming in class."

"Thank you for reminding me why I should never tell you anything, ever again!" I stand up and start folding my chair.

"Oh stop, I'm just trying to get you to admit that you screwed up. This little bet is worse on you than it is on him." She stands and grabs her chair as well, then we make our way down the emergency stairwell to our floor.

"Yes, okay? Yes, this is killing me! And the worst part is it doesn't seem to be affecting him in the least. Would it hurt him to admit that he's dying for the next four days to go by as badly as I am? It doesn't even phase him. Yet here I am, I can't even hold his hand without my heart racing. I'm pathetic." I groan as we round the corner to our hallway.

"You know, you could always turn up the heat," Kelsey suggests.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, make him realize what he's missing. You know, flash some skin, add some visual stimulation to make up for the lack of physical contact. Make him miss you as much as you miss him, physically speaking. I guarantee it'll have him losing that bet before the weekend is over, then you're off the hook."

"That could work. But…what if I don't really want to be let off the hook?" I bite my lip waiting for Kelsey's reaction to my question.

"Wait a minute, does this mean what I think it means?" She swings the door open before exclaiming, "Is Jessica Maddox finally ready to lose her virginity?!"

I start laughing until I round the doorway and see Jamie and Dean sitting on the couch with playing cards in their hands, both sets of eyes now glued to my face.

I always thought it was just a fancy bit of imagery when writers would talk about the blood draining from a character's face. I'm here to tell you, it's a real thing. I feel it right now. I must be white as a sheet, and I know I haven't blinked in the last ten seconds. Not since Kelsey dropped the V-bomb and Dean's eyes found mine. The silence is absolutely deafening. Of course, my dear, dear friend Kelsey is the first to break it.

"Awkward…" She mumbles as she drops her bag on the floor and flops onto the recliner.

I can't even tear my eyes away from his to glare at her, though I would love to right about now. I finally manage to blink and it's at that point that my flight instinct kicks in. It's a new feeling for me since I'm used to the fighting impulse taking over, but there is nothing I would rather do right now than go hide in my room. So I do.

I lean my lounge chair against the wall and speed walk to my bedroom, close the door behind me and slide down until my butt hits the floor. I bring my knees up, wrap my arms around my legs and rest my forehead against them. He probably thinks I'm some frigid, neurotic, head-case. I have no clue how to look him in the eye again. The way he just stared after Kelsey outed me… He'll probably run out of here and forget all about the trip, the bet, and the almost twenty-two year old virgin. He'll go find a girl with enough experience that she won't freak out at the thought of being alone with him and impose a three week hiatus on all things physical. He'll—

"Jessie?"

Apparently he'll come knock on my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I don't lift my head. I'm too embarrassed.

"Please, can I come in?" I can't make out the intonation of his voice. It could be pity, hell it could be humor. I guess the only way I'll know for sure is to suck it up and let him in.

"Hold on." I stand slowly and walk to the foot of my bed before flopping onto my stomach, face buried in the comforter. "Come in," my muffled voice is just barely audible.

I hear the door open and the quiet click as he shuts it behind him, the shuffle of his feet as he walks across the room. I feel the dip of the bed when he takes a seat beside me. Then, nothing. He doesn't say or do anything for what feels like an eternity. In reality it's probably just under a minute. My first instinct is to roll off the bed and demand he say whatever it is he's planning to say, then get out. Luckily my humiliation keeps me planted face down on the bed. I do turn my head slightly and peek one eye open to assess the situation.

Dean is sitting with his back against my headboard, arms crossed tightly over his chest, head leaning back with his eyes closed and the corner of his bottom lip is caught between his teeth. I can't make heads or tails of his body language. He chooses that moment to open his eyes and catch me peering up at him.

"You got some color today." He unfolds his arms and drags one finger down the curve of my nose and across the apple of my cheek, "Right here, you're a little red."

I shudder at his touch and squeeze my eyes shut before I roll over so I'm looking straight up at the ceiling and not at him. The silence returns.

"Do you want me to go?" He asks out of nowhere.

I finally decide to speak, "Do you want to go?"

"Why would I want to go?" He slides down until he's laying beside me, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ceiling.

"Aren't you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Are you ever going to answer my questions instead of asking more questions?"

"Are you going to tell me why you think I should be mad right now?"

"You're so frustrating!" I rub my hands over my face and I can feel the slight burn he was referring to now.

I feel his weight shift next to me. He turns onto his side and pulls my hands away from my face. "Tell me Jess."

I swallow deeply before I look him in the eyes. He doesn't look angry, nor does he look like he's freaked out. He looks…intrigued.

"I don't know. I just thought you'd be pissed that I didn't tell you."

"I'm sure you would've told me when you were ready. It's not like I asked and you lied about it, it just didn't come up." He rests his hand on my stomach and it jumps involuntarily at his touch.

"I just…there hasn't been anyone that I really wanted to…do that with before."

His eyes blaze before he's able to control himself and I know he's caught on to what I'm saying. _No one, before you. _I can see him visibly forcing himself to focus.

"I get it. I do. And I hope you don't feel like me asking you to go on this trip with me is pressuring you to make a decision you're not ready to make. Honestly, I just want to spend time with you. I want to see you happy. I love watching you let go and relax. These past few weeks have been some of the best for me and it's because I got to spend that time helping you loosen up and forget about whatever it is that takes you deep into that beautiful head of yours all the time."

I look back up at the ceiling because I'm afraid he'll see right through me to what has really been occupying my mind lately. I know I have to tell him, especially if we go away together. I'm just not ready yet. Not now.

"I know you wouldn't pressure me, and I really have been having a lot of fun with you." I toy with my hands against my stomach because I desperately want to change the subject but don't know how.

"So does that mean you're going to give up this whole bet and just agree to come with me?" He lifts my chin with his index finger and nudges me until I'm looking at him again. I appreciate him lightening the mood and I make the quick decision to take advantage of the change in our conversation's tone.

"I never welsh on a bet. Sorry." I raise my eyebrow and smile at him before rolling off the bed. Thinking about what Kelsey said on our way back down to the apartment, I decide there's no better way to distract him and attempt to win the bet at the same time. Especially now that I know what I want if I win.

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" I ask as I head towards the closet.

Dean is still laying on the bed, his hands behind his head as he watches me. "Well, I hadn't planned on anything really. Why, what'd you have in mind?"

I make the decision and act before I can chicken out. I pull a short, electric blue dress off a hanger and toss it on the foot of the bed before pulling my oversized cover-up shirt over my head and dropping it on the floor leaving me in just my bikini top and a tiny pair of shorts. Turning to retrieve a pair of black stilettos from the closet, I try to act as nonchalant as possible.

"Well Kelsey and I were talking about checking out Elevate on Wilshire. She's in a dancing mood." I place the shoes on the floor in front of the bed before pulling the elastic from my hair and letting it tumble around my shoulders. "She's asking Paul to drive, so you wouldn't have to be designated driver tonight."

I glance up and see Dean's eyes are following my every move. Good, my plan is working. Maybe I can make him feel marginally as hot and bothered as I've been these last two weeks. I decide to turn it up a little just for good measure.

"So what do you think? Want to go 'bust a move' with us?" I laugh and snag the dress before stepping halfway into the closet, my back facing him. I reach behind my neck and pull the string before doing the same to the one across my back. I let the top fall to the floor and bring the dress over my head. It's at that point when I realize Dean never answered me. After pulling the dress down, I start to turn and see why he hasn't spoken when I feel his body press against my back, his hands rest on my hips, his lips at my ear.

"I know what you're trying to do." His voice is husky and the heat from his breath sends a shiver down my spine.

I lean back and it's evident that he is most definitely just as affected as I am right now. Mission accomplished. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh you don't?" His fingers dig into my hips and he shifts me so that I'm pressed right up against him. I melt into him and my head falls back against his shoulder.

"Not a clue," I whisper.

He slides his hands from my hips to my stomach and slowly up my abdomen, resting just under my breasts. I feel like I'm going to combust. "You're trying to make me lose the bet. But it won't work. Wanna know why?"

"Mmm…" I moan because that's the only sound I'm capable of producing right now.

"Because when I win, I won't have to worry about your brother in the other room the next time I have you in this position." His lips brush against my neck, just grazing, barely even touching, not enough to qualify a loss. My knees go weak and I clutch at his arms wrapped around me, the only things keeping me on my feet. "And to answer your question, I'd love to go 'bust a move' with you tonight."

He lets me go and I have to clutch at either side of the closet doorjamb to keep myself upright. I don't turn to look at him, too turned on to resist jumping him and losing the bet for myself.

"I'll be back with Paul to pick you both up in an hour."

"Dean," I swallow to keep my voice from trembling, "don't forget to dress up, wouldn't want you to have to wait outside because you wore the wrong shoes." I turn my head and gaze at him out of the corner of my eye.

He laughs and shakes his head, "Don't worry, I think I can manage."


	17. Chapter 17

As soon as I hear the front door close I kick off my shorts, tug my dress the rest of the way down my hips and run into the living room.

"Kelsey! Call Paul. Tell him we're going to a club tonight, Dean should be back at the house in five minutes to get ready, and that he's driving. Oh! And it's upscale, so no sneakers." The crazed look in my eyes must motivate her to take me seriously because she immediately pulls out her phone and taps the screen a few times before bringing it to her ear.

"Hey babe, change of plans for tonight. Yeah, we're going to a club, dress nice, and you're bringing Dean here to pick me and Jessie up. Yes, that means you're driving. Because he drove last time! Don't worry, I'll find an outfit that'll make it worth the trouble. See you soon, love you too. Bye." With that, Kelsey disconnects the call and then turns her eyes back to me.

"So, now that I've got that all taken care of, spill!"

"You take forever to get ready, go start and I'll tell you while you're primping."

I follow her into her bedroom and sit on the bed while she digs through the closet. "Ok so you know how you told me to make him suffer a little?"

"Yes, and what do you think of this dress?" She holds up a red, one-shoulder number and I nod in approval.

"Well I started talking about how you wanted us to go to Elevate tonight, and I decided to basically strip in front of him as I was getting ready for the club—I was facing the closet so he didn't actually _see_ anything. Totally backfired though, because not only did he not kiss me, but he agreed to the club. So now we really have to go."

I follow her to the bathroom and sit on the closed toilet lid while she hops in the shower.

"Wait, so nothing? He didn't do a thing?! What is he, dead?" She shouts over the water.

"I mean, not nothing. I definitely know I got to him…" I bite my lip thinking about him pressing into my back.

The shower curtain flies back and Kelsey gapes at me, "How would you know that exactly?"

"Kels come on…"

"Oh my god, you hoe!"

"Kelsey!" My eyes are wide as dinner plates at her exclamation.

"So how big—"

"You are NOT asking me that question!" I cut her off.

"You're no fun at all. At least you know he's dying for it as much as you are, so that's something. Besides, I have been wanting to check out this club, I just needed an excuse to drag your butt out there since you hate clubbing. What brought that on anyway?"

"Truthfully, I have no clue. I guess I just spotted the dress in my closet and it's definitely something I would only wear to a club, so I ran with it."

I leave Kelsey to finish getting ready, and I get to work flat ironing my hair. I don't do it often but this place is sure to be filled with a ton of silicone, collagen, and $500.00 hair extensions. I just want to do what I can to not stand out like a sore thumb.

I go smokey with my eye makeup and decide on a dark shimmery pink for my lips. By the time I hear the knock on the door I'm just fastening the large silver and rhinestone hoops at my ears and sliding into my shoes.

"Coming!" I yell as I click down the hall and across the living room.

I pull open the door and my breath catches in my chest. Dean looks absolutely, positively mouth watering. His hair is swept up and back but parted slightly on the side. He's wearing a black button down shirt with the sleeves cuffed to the elbows, dark gray distressed jeans that hug him in all the right places, and nice black dress shoes. The wide, silver watch at his wrist emphasizes his slightly fading tan. Add all of that to his signature scent, fresh and clean mixed with something woodsy, and I am actually having to press my lips together to keep from drooling.

"Hey Jessie," Paul says from beside Dean and I blink before realizing I didn't even notice he was there.

"Hi Paul, Kelsey's still in her room, she should be ready in a few minutes." I back up to make room for them to enter.

"I need to talk to you," Dean says, taking my hand and pulling me towards my bedroom.

He closes the door and before I can ask what's wrong he pushes me up against it and brings his mouth within an inch of my own. "What the hell are you trying to do to me Jess? I didn't know you were serious with that dress earlier. Jesus, how do expect me to function in public when you look like that?"

"I could say the same." My breath is coming in short pants at this point and I want nothing more than to tear his shirt open and lick him from waist to throat. God, he smells so unbelievably good.

"You're making it extremely difficult for me to maintain the small sliver of self-control that I've got left where you're concerned." He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes.

"Well, you could always just kiss me and be done with it."

"You'd love that wouldn't you?"

"Um, do you really have to ask that question?" I look up at him, incredulous.

"I don't suppose there's any point in asking you to change that dress?"

"You'd be correct in that assumption."

He pulls back and scrubs his hand over his face. "Fine, let's go then. This should be an interesting night."

* * *

We step off the elevator and into the windowed room on the 21st floor that is Elevate Lounge. It's still a little early so we're able to grab some seats on one of the plush couches situated behind low tables that are lining the room. The view is amazing, you can see all the shining lights out on the strip and beyond to the hills of Los Angeles.

We order a bottle of Grey Goose and immediately Kelsey and Paul get up to go dance.

"Do you want to?" Dean gestures to the narrow dance floor.

"Uh, not just yet. Do you mind? I'm a little uncomfortable dancing in front of other people and I'd rather wait until there's more of a crowd." I worry my bottom lip with my teeth.

"Sure, no pressure. I'm enjoying just being here with you so, dancing or no dancing, I'm happy."

I blush at his words and take a sip of the drink I just finished mixing. It's a little on the strong side but I think I'll need it tonight.

We talk a bit about what's coming up in the last two days of classes this week, which just reminds me that my deadline for making my decision is rapidly approaching. I'm all but decided at this point, I just have to muster up the courage to say so. I down the rest of my second drink and take Dean's hand, leading him onto the dance floor. Now that it has filled up, I feel more at ease crammed into the middle of the crowd. The buzz from the vodka helps too.

I sway to the rhythm of the music with my arms around Dean's neck. Damn, he is just so good-looking. It's no wonder I'm considering handing over my virginity to him on a silver platter. No, that's not right. It's not just the way he looks. He's the first person I've met at UCLA, aside from Kelsey, who has taken the time to actually get to know me. He makes me feel important, like I really matter to him. He's constantly planning things that he thinks I'll enjoy, trying to break me out of my bulletproof casing. The way he looks at me sometimes, it scares me because I see something in his eyes that reflects something else inside of me that I'm not quite ready to explore. Despite that, I find myself thinking about him all the time. When I'm not with him, I want to be with him. I don't know why I've been fighting it, why I'm playing this stupid game with this silly bet. It was originally meant to be a stall tactic, but I'm done stalling.

Dean's arm is wrapped around me, his hand resting on my lower back as he moves to the beat with me. He looks at me and smiles. "You're pretty far gone right now aren't ya?"

"Nope. I'm right here. With you. No where else I wanna be." I smile and run my fingers over the short hair just above his collar.

"Oh yeah? Well the feeling is most definitely mutual." He lowers his head so that he can place a brief kiss on my cheek. Just that small contact makes me want so much more.

"I decided what I want if I win the bet." I tell him.

"What's that?"

"You. I want to go away with you. If I win, we go to Carmel. But there better be two beds. I don't want you thinking I'm easy or something." I smile up at him.

"But wait, I thought that's what I got if I won?" he asks, confused.

"Yeah, but if I win, you're also driving the whole way."

I can see his demeanor change before me. His face lights up with the sheen of victory. He can't wipe the goofy grin from his face.

"So let me get this straight, if we don't mess around between now and Tuesday, you go to Carmel with me. If we do mess around, you go to Carmel with me but I have to drive. Do I have that right?"

"Yup, sounds about right to me!" I shout over the new uptempo song.

"Okay, just checking. Jessie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I really, really love to drive." Before I can blink he's tugging me closer and sliding his lips over mine. Soft at first and then slowly increasing in pressure. I wrap my arms around his neck and sigh into the kiss. _Finally. _This is what I've been missing.

His right hand skims up my back to my neck, fisting in my waterfall of hair. His left hand slides down over the curve of my backside, squeezing slightly and igniting a fire deep in my belly that no amount of kissing will extinguish. His tongue slips past my lips and tangles with mine. I moan loudly, but no one but Dean can hear me over the thumping bass.

I pull my mouth away from his and move close to his ear, "Take me home."

"What? Why?" He looks taken aback, clearly misunderstanding my request.

"Because I don't want to do this here, and I'm not ready to stop yet." Our eyes meet and I know he understands my meaning now.

"Let's go." He places his hand on my lower back and guides me off the dance floor and back to our table where Kelsey and Paul are waiting.

"Hey guys, wanna head back?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, I think I'm over clubbing tonight," Kelsey says, grabbing her clutch and handing me mine.

We ride down in a crowded elevator car and make it back to Paul's Jeep in record time. Paul and Kelsey obviously have ulterior motives for leaving early too because Paul finds a parking space when we arrive at the apartment and comes up with us.

Jamie is lounging on the couch when we come back and insists on making small talk, for which I would love to throttle him. All I want is to drag Dean to my room and make up for lost time. Finally, when I can no longer take it, I turn to Dean and say, "Oh, I have those notes for Creative Writing that you wanted to borrow. You might as well look them over, see if you can understand my chicken scratch."

He looks at me blankly but recovers quickly. "Yeah, let me take a look."

I pull him off the recliner and haul him towards the bedroom, pushing him through the doorway ahead of me. Jamie probably knows there are no notes to look over, but at this point I could not care less.

I close and lock the door behind me and move over to the bed where Dean is now sitting. Without saying a word I climb up to straddle him, my knees on either side of his hips, and I take his mouth with so much force I nearly knock him back onto the bed. His hands grip my thighs and inch my dress up higher and higher until my backside is nearly exposed. I crush my body against his, unable to get close enough for my satisfaction. I do push him down onto the bed this time and my hair curtains us as I lean down to kiss his jaw, his neck, and down to his throat.

I remember my earlier desire to tear open his shirt and that's exactly what I do. A couple of buttons pop and skitter across my floor. When his golden, sun kissed skin is finally exposed I skate my hands across his chest and place open mouth kisses anywhere I can reach. As I begin to move down his chiseled abdomen he takes me by the arms and rolls us over so that I'm now beneath him. My dress is now completely hiked up to my waist, uncovering my black lace panties. Dean leans back long enough to toss his shirt aside before he brings his mouth down on my neck. He laves the sensitive point just below my ear with his tongue and I whimper, arching up and grinding against him. He moves his hand up my thigh, skimming over my hip and tracing the thin strip of lace before continuing up over the satiny material of my dress. I know he's aware that there is nothing under the rest of the dress but me, since he watched me undress and put it on. He drags his hand north at a painstakingly slow pace. When he reaches my breast he brings his lips back to mine before allowing his thumb to slide over the taught peak. He swallows my cries as I thrust my chest harder into his hand in a plea to continue.

I can feel his rock hard length straining against my most sensitive area. Tempting us further, I raise my hips and increase the friction between us. It's at this point that Dean breaks away, panting into my neck.

"Christ Jessie, give me a minute, I just, I need a minute," he huffs as he removes his hands from my body.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, breathing heavily, aching with desire.

"What in the world could you possibly be sorry for?" He props himself up on his forearms and looks down at me, brushing my hair to the side.

"I don't know, it just, seems like an appropriate response to…" I twitch my hips slightly to indicate what I'm referring to.

"Trust me, that's nothing to be sorry for. I just don't want to push this too far and if we keep going I'm afraid that's what will happen." He trails his fingertips from my forehead to my jaw, and I lean to the side to rest my cheek against the palm of his hand before closing my eyes.

This is the type of man I've been waiting for. I know he wants me, that much is abundantly clear. Yet he stops himself when others would keep pushing, hoping my resolve would weaken. He hesitates where others persist. It's not due to lack of skill or confidence, it's because he truly does care about me. That simple fact sends my heart into a fluttering frenzy and my breath catches for a whole new reason.

"Stay." I whisper to him before I open my eyes and gaze deep into his.

"Jess…"

"No, I mean just stay here with me. I don't want you to leave, and you're right. If we keep this up it's going to go further than I'm ready for right now, considering I've got almost half a bottle of Grey Goose in my system. But I'm not ready to let you go. So just stay with me."

He lowers his mouth to mine and I can feel my heart stutter at the tenderness in his kiss. "I'll stay," he says against my lips. "I'll stay for as long as you want me."


	18. Chapter 18

_Author's Note: Just a short chapter this week folks. I'm away on vacation and haven't had a whole lot of time for writing. As always, the follows, favorites, reviews and views are very much appreciated! _

* * *

I stretch my arms and roll over only to hear a crumpling noise beneath my head. I reach under my tangled mess of hair and come up with a piece of notebook paper with one line scrawled across it:

_You're even more beautiful when you're sleeping. See you in class tomorrow._

I close my eyes and clutch the paper to my chest. I'm going away with Dean in three more days! My reverie is interrupted when my phone starts buzzing on the nightstand. With a sigh, I reach for it and see that David has set up one last match before break, and it's tonight at 11:00. At least I won't have to worry about breaking plans with Dean since it's Sunday and he'll be out with Danny.

Just as I'm about to climb out of bed and grab some coffee, my phone buzzes again. This time it's a call from home.

"Hello?"

"How's my best girl?"

"Hi Dad," I'm sure he can hear the smile in my voice. I haven't talked to him in a couple of weeks, we just kept missing each other.

"I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you and not your voicemail. You've been a hard girl to track down these last couple of weeks."

"I know, I've been finishing up some last minute papers before break." _Oh and I've been spending every free moment I've got with this amazing guy who I'll be alone with for five days, is that okay Daddy? _

"Yeah, that's what Jay told me."

"Oh? What else did you and Jamie talk about behind my back?" I tease.

"Just how you're going to veg out with him over the holiday. I hope you two will find something fun to do. I promise Christmas will be ten times better, you know that. It's just hard to get everyone together."

"I know Dad, it's not a big deal. Honestly, it would just be a pain traveling all that way for a few days and having to spend another whole day traveling back. I'd much rather wait for winter break when we get a month to catch up."

"That's my girl. How was the boxing tournament last weekend? Did you get to fight?"

Shit. I haven't been keeping up on the team's progress and I hadn't even realized we qualified for a tournament recently. "Oh, it was good. The other girl in my weight class beat me out for this one though. But it's cool, I'll get back in it for the next one." I lie so smoothly it makes my stomach churn.

"You're keeping up with your conditioning right? Even if you don't have a match it's still important to stay in shape so they don't catch you off guard." He starts his age-old lecture and I can't help but laugh.

"Oh yeah, like you used to train for all your fights, right Dad?"

"Hey, we're not talking about me. That was different. I worry about you, ya know. You're my little girl."

"Yes Daddy. I know that, and I love you for it, but you really don't have to worry about me. I've been taking care of myself for a while. I've got it under control." I'm uncomfortable with where the conversation is heading so I try to steer us to another topic. "How's Pop?"

We talk for another twenty minutes with Dad filling me in on all the familial updates, including my grandfather actually having gone on a date with one of his neighbors for the first time since Gram died when Dad was a kid. Though he refused to call it a date, he insisted it was a friendly dinner with a woman he's known since back when he could still wallop Dad's ass. I laughed for a good minute after that one. We say our goodbyes and I head into the kitchen to see if there's any coffee brewed.

Score! I snatch a mug down from the cabinet and fill it nearly to the brim. Gotta love my twin. He makes the best coffee.

As I'm doctoring my mug with tons of sugar I see Paul tiptoeing out of Kelsey's room with his shoes in his hand.

"Wow, talk about role reversal. That's a sexy walk of shame you've got there Paul," I laugh and take a sip of my still-hot coffee, burning the tip of my tongue and swearing in the process.

"Serves you right for mocking a man who chauffeured your drunk ass around last night."

"Oh you love us." I take a seat on the couch and flip on the TV. "So where are you headed at the ungodly hour of 10AM on a Sunday?"

"Mandatory house meeting at the frat." Hmm, well that explains Dean's early morning exit.

"Have fun! Try not to think too hard," I tease as he closes the front door behind him.

Kelsey meanders out of her room with a shit-eating grin on her face and plops down next to me, stretching her legs across my lap.

"Looks like someone had an eventful sleepover last night."

"Oh yeah. It was more like a marathon than an event. But who are you to talk? I heard Dean creep out of here about an hour ago. I believe you've got some 'splaining to do Lucy." She raises an eyebrow and looks at me expectantly.

"Nothing happened. He just slept over," I tell her.

"Hmm, right. Try again," she says, not convinced.

"I'm telling you the truth!"

She folds her arms across her chest and gives me the stare-down, knowing I won't be able to hold anything back.

"Okay! So I may have ripped his shirt open, and we may have rolled around on my bed for a little while, but we stopped before it went any further than that. Er, actually, he stopped it," I explain.

"Wait, you basically pounced him and he's the one who stopped it? What the hell, is he a friggin' saint or something? That's gotta be painful."

"I doubt it could be considered an act of sainthood, but it did help me finalize my decision. I think…it might happen when we're on our trip to Carmel." I can actually feel my cheeks blaze as I admit it out loud for the first time.

"Shut up! Seriously? Seriously?! Oh this is amazing! I'm so happy for you! Let's go," she takes my mug from my hand, placing it on the coffee table and tugs me up off the couch.

"Where the heck are we going?"

"You're going away, with an absolutely delicious specimen of man, for five days and you just told me you might be sleeping with him for the first time, which will be _your_ first time ever. Where do you think we're going? Shopping!"

Of course we are.

* * *

It's a good thing David scheduled a fight for tonight because after a day out with Kelsey, my debit card is smoking from excessive overuse. I've got five shopping bags filled to bursting with all of the 'essentials' as Kelsey described them. One bag contains nothing but undergarments. The lingerie store clerk's eyes lit up when we asked for her help, or rather Kelsey asked. I just stood there like a deer in headlights and let her wrap measuring tape around me and explain the virtues of underwire versus padding.

Now that I'm prepared, I'm starting to get nervous. Not so much about actually sleeping with Dean. I mean yes, that is cause for some slight anxiety. But I know that before I can let it get that far, I have to tell him about Will. If something happens and I freak out, he needs to know why. Plus, I need to let him know that I trust him. If I'm being honest, I have to be sure of that myself.

I pack all of my new things in my carry-on duffel that I usually use when I go home for short trips. It does make life a lot easier now that I don't have to sort through my belongings to figure out what to bring. Though I'll probably toss a few of my old things in before we leave on Tuesday, just for comfort's sake.

I pull a drawer open and take out a pair of shorts and a racerback compression top for the fight tonight. As I'm getting ready I realize that this is another part of my life that Dean really knows nothing about. It's not like I can go around announcing it to the world, but I feel like it's one more thing I'm keeping from him. Truthfully, I'm not really sure how he'll react. He doesn't seem like the type to get bent out of shape because his girlfriend doesn't need him to fight her battles. Girlfriend. We haven't actually discussed titles either. Now that I'm thinking about it, there's a lot Dean and I need to talk about. Maybe I'm rushing into this. Maybe I should take a step back and think before I go off with him. Maybe…

"Let's go girl! Ass-kicking awaits!" Kelsey bangs on my door as she passes by.

I guess I've got some thinking to do when I get home tonight.


	19. Chapter 19

This girl has clearly been in a fight or two before. Normally my fights border on effortless. That is definitely not the case tonight. I keep trying to anticipate her moves but she pulls back at the last second and switches things up on me. We're in the 8th round and if I don't end this soon it could come down to a decision, which I hate.

I dodge a blow aimed at my head and unleash a flurry of jabs into her stomach. I think I've got enough time to throw another at her jaw but just as I pull back, her fist catches me square in the face. I stumble once before regaining my momentum and block before hitting her in the nose with as much force as I can muster. She wobbles before losing her balance and I can see in her eyes she's completely dazed. Blood gushes from her nostrils and she stumbles, trying to keep on her feet. Finally she hits the floor and once David makes it to 10 and declares me the winner I unstrap my gloves with my teeth and attempt to take inventory on my face. I almost never let a head shot slip past my defenses. I could attribute it to my distracted state of mind, but in truth the girl was pretty good.

I can feel a throbbing in my nose and my right eye is swelling a bit. Great. Now I'll have to wake up half an hour early in the morning so I can camouflage the damage with makeup.

"Shit, she got you pretty good," Kelsey says as she hands me my hooded sweatshirt.

I yank it over my head wordlessly, frustrated with myself, and make my way over to David to pick up my winnings.

"Girl you killed it. I was a little concerned about you with this one, but you came through. Trust me, it's worth the shiner." He hands me a wad of cash and as I count it I realize he wasn't exaggerating about it being worth it. There's double what I normally make in this stack. I tuck it away and say my goodbyes before we head out of the gym through the back entrance.

A few more fights like this over the spring semester and I'll be able to completely pay off my senior year. One step closer to no longer having to fight my way through college. That's something at least.

"Just hop in the shower when we get back. I'll have the frozen peas and aspirin waiting for you." Kelsey speeds out of the parking lot and we're home within a few minutes.

All I want to do is take a hot shower to soothe my aching muscles and sleep for twelve hours. I'm seriously considering skipping my first class tomorrow when I step out of the car and see Dean walking up the path to our apartment complex. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit. _

"Hey Jessie, I was just—what the hell happened to you?" He steps into me and takes my chin in his hand, tilting my face to the side to get a better look at what is probably the start of a hideous black eye.

"Uh, I'll meet you upstairs…" Kelsey the deserter quickly makes her way into the apartment, leaving me to face the music alone.

"Who did this to you?" Dean now has my face in both of his hands. His eyes are blazing and his face is set in such a murderous expression that I can't help but smile a little.

"You're really cute when you get all macho and protective, did you know that?"

"Jessie I'm about to lose my shit if you don't tell me who the fuck put their hands on you," he growls the last few words and all humor is now gone.

"Dean, I'll explain but can we please go upstairs? I'm so exhausted." I place my hand on his arm and try to pull him behind me as I head for the main doors.

"I'm not going anywhere until you start talking to me." He holds firm and refuses to budge.

I sigh. He's obviously not going to make this easy. "Trust me, it was my own fault."

"I find that hard to believe. If some asshole hit you I want to know who he is so I can go beat his ass. I don't care what you said or did."

"Please Dean, just let it go." I attempt a pleading expression but pain shoots through my cheekbone and I wince, sending Dean into a rage.

"How do you expect me to do that?! You're in front of me looking like someone just attacked you, and you want me to calm down? What the fuck Jess?!" He turns, at a loss for how to deal with his own emotions and letting his anger win out, plows his hand into the nearest stationary object. Which happens to be the graffiti-covered plexiglass wall of an ancient phone booth that sits in front of our building.

"Dean stop! Oh my god, look at your hand. What the hell, I told you it wasn't a big deal." I grasp his wrist and turn his hand to see if he broke anything. When I see that at least no bones seem to be out of place and he just has two cuts on his knuckles, I slap his chest. "Ok, you want to know? Fine. But if you judge me, even once, I'm turning around and walking into that apartment and that's it. I will not defend myself to you, but you do have a right to know."

His expression has transformed from furious to confused, but still tinged with anger. He crosses his arms with his injured hand resting over his elbow. "If your first instinct is to assume I'm going to automatically judge you, then you really don't know me."

"It's not that. It's just…I just…look this isn't easy for me." I can't even look at him for fear that I might let my emotions get the best of me. I don't know why I care so much about what he thinks of me, but the thought of him looking down on me, it just makes my stomach clench and my eyes sting.

"What? What isn't easy? Talking to me? Trusting me?"

"Yes! All of it! I don't do this," I gesture between the two of us. "I never have. It scares the hell out of me that for once I want to, and if telling you about this piece of myself changes the way you look at me, it would kill me."

That did it. The tears fill my eyes before I can blink them back. I lift my face to the sky and will the tears to stay in place.

Dean steps in front of me and places his uninjured hand on my cheek, drawing my gaze to his. "Jessie, you need to realize that I'm not going anywhere. Nothing you tell me could make me change the way I see you."

I take a breath because his closeness is overwhelming and while I don't want to lose it, I do want to just get my secret out in the open. I might as well get it over with, like ripping off a bandaid. So I blurt it all out at once. "I'm a fighter. I fight for money. I came to UCLA to box, but I lost my scholarship when I couldn't reign in my temper. So now I fight to pay for my tuition and all my other expenses. I had a fight tonight and I let this girl slip a punch past me, hence the eye. Happy now? Can we please go inside?"

Dean's expression is unreadable. He seems to be considering something before realization hits. "Wait, you're one of the girls in the fighting ring?"

"How do you even know about it?" I ask.

"I live in a frat house. What one brother knows, we all know. I'm not much for gambling so I never go to those things," he explains.

"Oh. Right. Well, yes. I'm one of those girls. Now whether you're coming with me or not, I'm going upstairs, taking a hot shower, and icing my eye. I'm in a shit mood and I don't want to get into it with you right now." With that I turn on my heel and stomp up the path to the doors, making my escape before he is able to react. As I'm waiting for the elevator I see the door open in my peripheral vision and Dean comes to stand beside me. His good hand is shoved into the pocket of his jeans and he doesn't say a word.

We ride to my floor in silence and I fling the apartment door open, yanking my hoodie off and plodding into my bedroom. I don't turn to see if Dean has followed me, I just yank a long t-shirt and a pair of underwear from my dresser before closing myself in the bathroom.

I turn the water to scolding and strip my clothes off. Before stepping into the shower I stand in front of the mirror and take a breath. I'm not mad at Dean. I'm mad at myself. For letting a hit like that get past me, for not telling him about the fights sooner, and for the way I handled everything downstairs. Falling apart like that, being so vulnerable with another person, takes a lot out of me.

I check out my now purple eye. It's not so bad that it will swell shut completely, but it is far from pretty. Luckily I'm a fast healer. With a sigh I step into the shower and under the steamy spray. I turn away so that the water pounds against my back and neck where all of my tension has built up. Slowly my anger drains away along with the strain in my muscles. I stand there until the water turns tepid.

When I finally step out and begin towel drying my hair, I hear the muffled sounds of a conversation between Jamie and Dean. I guess they don't realize the shower has turned off, because they're talking about me.

"You don't understand the situation. There wouldn't have been any stopping her, even if I didn't trust her to take care of herself. Which I do. She'll explain her reasons to you one day, but until then you need to trust that I wouldn't let my sister put herself in a situation I didn't think she could handle, and trust that she knows what she's doing."

I hear Dean heave a heavy sigh before reluctantly agreeing and making his way to my bedroom. Jamie's door shuts less than a minute later. I work my hair into a braid and throw on my clothes. Mentally I'm preparing myself for the inevitable conversation with Dean.

I open and close the door quietly, tossing my wet towel on top of the hamper. Dean is stretched across my bed with his hands resting on his stomach, a frozen bag of peas resting on one, eyes searching the ceiling for something very important. I perch myself on the foot of the bed, curling one leg under the other and facing Dean. He doesn't look at me, but hands me the cold bag of peas he was using on his knuckles.

I take them and apply pressure to my eye, hissing when the frigid plastic touches my skin. His eyes dart to me quickly assessing whether or not I'm in pain. When he decides I must be fine, he looks away again.

"So I guess I'm going to have to break the ice here right?"

Nothing.

"I'm sorry I just laid that all on you downstairs. You didn't exactly give me much choice, but I shouldn't have gotten so pissy with you. You didn't know and I'm sure it was a shock seeing me with a black eye. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and I'd probably be pissed too."

Still nothing.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I do what I need to do to get by without stressing my family out. It's not cheap raising three kids, and that scholarship was the only way that Jamie and I could both come to UCLA. I'm not going to apologize for doing what I need to do, and you freezing me out right now isn't going to change that."

He finally looks at me, but still remains silent. Instead of talking, he sits up, pulls me to him and lays back down so that I'm stretched out next to him with my head on his chest. This is nice…

I tentatively reach my hand out and place it against his chest where I can feel his heart beating steadily. I don't know if I'm forgiven but if he wants to finish talking this out, he better start soon because I could fall asleep just like this.

"I'm just a little worried about you, that's all. Jamie told me you rarely get hurt, and you always win so I guess I can get past worrying about you physically. But you've taken on this huge task of paying your tuition, paying for your room and board, and keeping up this rouse with your parents. I mean, they have no idea any of this is going on right?"

I nod and he goes on.

"I figured. So that means that on top of the stress of being a junior in college, you've taken on this additional burden. It can't be easy. So am I judging you for what you're doing? No, and I never would. What you're doing doesn't define who you are. The fact that you'd go to these lengths, do anything you had to do to get where you want to go, those intentions are what help to define you. That's admirable. Do I think it's good for you to be keeping up this charade with your family? Not at all. That's not a judgment. Just concern." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and strokes up and down my arm, then kisses the top of my head.

I exhale and try to organize my thoughts. "Look, yes, it is hard to keep all of this up with my family. I have to remember to talk about certain things, not to talk about others, it's exhausting and it would be so much easier to tell them. But you don't know my dad. He wouldn't just accept the fact that I've fallen into his old life. He'd do everything he could to make sure I didn't have to do what I'm doing, and it would put such a strain on him and my mom. It's only for one more year. Really, it's probably going to be less than that if I keep making money like I did tonight."

"So my girl is a real ass kicker, huh?" He looks down at me with a smirk on his face. The little glint of pride I see there helps soothe the ache in my chest. "I have to admit, that's kind of hot." He whispers the last sentence in my ear and his breath warm on my skin sends shivers through my body.

"Oh so I'm your girl now? Does that mean we've survived our first fight?" I glance up at him from under my lashes.

"It wasn't really a fight. I just didn't know what was going on. Now I do. But to answer your first question, that's really up to you."

"Up to me? So I just say so and, what? We're officially a couple? Well that doesn't sound very romantic," I joke with him and snuggle closer.

"You're right." He extracts himself from my embrace and stands up, then he takes both my hands and pulls me up until I'm seated on the side of the bed. He kneels down beside the bed and takes my hands in both of his.

"Jessica Maddox, ever since I first laid eyes on you in that indescribably sexy angel costume, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. When I finally got to talk to you and learn more about this fascinating, intelligent, stubborn, shy, beautiful, smart-mouthed little wise ass of a woman, I realized I didn't want to get you out of my mind. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than finding new ways to make you smile. If you let me, I'd love to officially be your boyfriend. But I have to say, I pretty have been since that day on the pier." His smile stretches nearly ear to ear.

I have to swallow the lump forming in my throat before I'm able to speak. "Well, I would absolutely love to be your girlfriend. On one condition: no more punching inanimate objects." I lift his swollen hand to my lips and kiss it lightly. Still smiling he squeezes himself into the space between my legs, wraps his arms around my waist and gently brings his lips to mine.

"Deal. I do have one question for you though." He pulls back, resting his hands on my hips.

"Whats that?" I ask.

"What's with the Victoria's Secret bags?" he nods toward the pile of my empty shopping bags from earlier today.

Aside from the purple around my eye, I'm fairly certain my entire face is a blazing shade of scarlet. I grab the bag of peas from the bed and toss them at him, then I sigh and lay back on the bed. Sleep. Sleep is what I need right now.


	20. Chapter 20

Will's large, hulking body is above me again, crushing me until I can't breathe. I can almost feel his hand covering my mouth, hear him saying my name over and over again. This time I'm able to free my arm, rear back and then slam my fist into his face.

"Ow, shit! It's me Jessie, wake up!"

That's not Will's voice. It's Dean's. I open my eyes as the realization that I was dreaming slips into my consciousness. The dreams are becoming more and more frequent lately and it's beginning to wear on me. I blink the blurriness from my eyes and look up to see Dean clutching is jaw, wiggling it around to check for an injury. Oh my god…

"Oh shit, Dean, I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Let me see." I sit up and take his face in both my hands. I gently feel for anything broken or swelling. I'm avoiding his eyes because I know the questions are coming and I'm still just not ready to give him the answers.

"Jessie I'm fine. Sore, but I'll live. Are you okay? You were thrashing around and when I tried to wake you, you clocked me." He rolls his jaw one more time, then takes my hand in his, performing the same examination I just gave to him.

"I just had a bad dream. My hand is alright, trust me I've thrown so many punches that I'm sure my knuckles just expect the abuse." His thumb strokes across my knuckles and I break out in goosebumps. I need to get out of this bed and get some breathing room.

I move quickly, yanking a pair of jeans off of a hanger and dragging a gray fitted long sleeve shirt from a drawer. I dress half in and half out of my closet, but there is no teasing seduction in my movements this time. I just need space. I can't breathe. Not when he's looking at me the way I know he is, without even laying eyes on him. I can feel the penetration of his eyes.

"Jessie what are you doing? Sit down, talk to me. Something obviously has you spooked." He stands up and starts to make his way across the room but I stop him with one outstretched hand.

"I told you, I'm good. I just need to get to class. I have a paper to turn in." I step into a pair of flats and hook my arm through my book bag on the chair by my door. "Help yourself to whatever, there's some cereal and oatmeal in the cabinet above the stove. I'll see you in Creative Writing later okay?" I hop up on my toes and plant a quick kiss on his cheek then spin around and make a beeline out of the apartment before he has a chance to stop me.

I feel like shit for leaving him like that, but I can still hear Will's voice in my ears and the last thing I want to do is associate Dean with anything related to that night six years ago. I need to clear my head. I impatiently push the down button in front of the elevator over and over. When it doesn't come fast enough, I turn on my heal and head for the stairwell. I hear the door to an apartment open and look over my shoulder to see Dean, now fully dressed, looking up and down the hall until he spots me. I pretend I didn't see him and jog down the steps as fast as my legs will allow.

"Jess! Jessie, wait!" I can hear his footfalls echoing in the corridor with mine. He's about a flight of stairs behind me. I know it's cowardly but I just ignore him and run out of the front door with Kelsey's car key in my hand, since she planned to forego her last class before break this morning. I head straight for her car and am just opening the driver's side door when Dean jogs down the path and stands staring at me across the roof of the car. We're both panting from the exertion.

"Dean, I told you, I have to get to class."

"Why won't you talk to me? I know it's not just a stupid nightmare that has you this worked up. I've been trying so hard, and you still won't let me in. After last night I thought we were…I just don't know what else to do." The hopelessness in his voice catches me off guard and I hesitate a moment too long. Long enough for him to ask the one question I knew he'd eventually need the answer to, and the one I refuse to give him right now.

"Jessie, who is Will?"

I stare dumbfounded. All the color must drain from my face because Dean looks alarmed and starts to walk around the car toward me. I slide into the driver's seat and slam the door, punching the locks and jamming the key into the ignition. He's standing a few feet away from the car on my side now, and I can tell by the look on his face that if I leave now I will slice a tiny fissure into the relationship we've only just made official. I must have said Will's name when I was having the nightmare. So now I have no choice but to tell him. But not now. Not today.

I look into his eyes and plead silently for time, just a little more time, before I shift gears and pull out of the parking space. I know my overreaction has only made things worse, but I'm not exactly my most rational self today.

I don't know why I look. Call it masochism. But I do look in the rearview mirror and I see Dean, hands behind his head, face raised to the sky. He yells, but I can't make out the words. When he turns and kicks the tire of a car parked next to him not once but three times, I can more or less infer the gist of what was said.

* * *

Class was just an excuse to get away. I'm one of maybe seven students to show up for my 8AM psych class. We turn in our papers and bullshit for about fifteen minutes before Dr. Riche let's us go. I kill time in one of the lounges before Creative Writing. I don't want to get there early, just in case Dean is planning an ambush, so I wait until five minutes before class starts to leave the psych building.

I timed it perfectly, I'm just sliding into my seat as the professor starts talking about the last writing project of the semester which we'll be starting after break.

I'm trying to figure out a way to distract Dean because this is our last class for the day and I know he'll be waiting for me once it's over. I don't bother looking around the room for him. I can feel his presence. It's amazing how attuned I've become to him just over the last month. Jamie told me I need to trust him and open up to him, but I'm afraid of reliving everything and what it will mean for us. It's not like I have a choice at this point. The dreams are becoming an almost nightly occurrence and I don't need a full psychology degree to understand the meaning there. Dean and I are getting closer and there is still this festering wound from my past that I haven't been able to fully stitch up. It's going to continue to be a problem until I tell him about it.

For now, I just need to keep things on an even keel until we're away from school and all of our respective distractions, on neutral ground.

Before I know it, class is over and students are filtering out of the classroom. I look around and see that Dean and I are the only two people left. Naturally. I pack up my things and stand just as he makes his way to the front of the room. We don't talk, but he does hold out his hand for mine. I take it and find myself wishing things could just be this simple. Why can't I let it be simple?

As we walk through the doors, a gust of wind kicks up outside and I tug a gray knit cap down over my unruly hair. It's cooler than just a few days ago, but still significantly warmer than it would be if we were back home and just three days away from Thanksgiving.

We silently make our way to the parking lot. Dean unexpectedly reaches over and threads his fingers through mine. As tense as things are, this small form of contact causes my heart to swell. Is it possible that he isn't holding my ridiculous behavior from this morning against me? I expect this bubble of contentment to burst once we reach the car but Dean just turns me to face him and places his hands on my waist. I look up and see the unreadable expression on his face. I can't tell if he's hurt, frustrated, mad or sad. He just stares down at me for a minute, then lowers his mouth to mine.

The kiss is warm and lingering. He doesn't tighten his hands on my waist, or move them at all. I rest my hands against his chest and let him take whatever he needs from me. I don't think he even knows what that is. When he pulls back, his eyes are smokey and intense when they meet mine. My breath catches. He brings one hand to my cheek, as he so often does, and I lean into it. We just stare at each other for a moment, no words passing between us. He is the one to finally break the silence.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at eleven," he says, rubbing his thumb against my bottom lip, then brushing lightly against the purple crescent below my eye. His expression doesn't change. He is still totally unreadable.

He places a kiss on my forehead and turns to walk across the parking lot, where I'm assuming his car is parked. I don't know why, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know I should be happy that he still wants to go away with me, and that he isn't pushing the whole Will thing. For some reason, the lack of confrontation just doesn't sit well with me. It feels like a brief lull, the calm before the storm. All I can do is wait and ride out the incoming waves until the clouds finally gather for the tempest.


	21. Chapter 21

_Author's Note: As a very early "Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Just For The Heck Of It Because It's Super Cold Outside" gift, you all get an extra long chapter! We've got to get a little more backstory on one of our key players, so settle in with a cup of tea, coffee, or (if you're like me) steamy hot chocolate, and enjoy!_

* * *

"Did you call Mom and Dad? You know if they don't hear from you they're going to check in. Probably at the most inopportune moment. I can cover if they call me, but you know you can't lie your way out of a paper bag when you're on the spot."

I cast a withering stare at Jamie and zip up my duffle bag. Unfortunately, he's pretty right on when it comes to the whole lying thing. Yesterday morning with Dean sort of proved that ten times over.

"Yes Jamie, I talked to both of them last night and assured them that we're fine and not going to be scarred for life because we're not spending the holiday with them."

"Pretty sure we'll live. Winter break is only a few weeks away." He tosses my phone charger at me and I catch it by the wire. "So back to the matter at hand. Since I am your brother, I feel it is my sworn duty to grill you about your intentions for this trip. I know you two have spent a lot of time together, but I don't want you doing anything you're not ready for. If he pressures you, I want to know about it. After you kick his balls into his throat." He wraps his arms around my shoulders and gives me a hug.

"I highly doubt that's going to be an issue. Aside from the fact that Dean isn't like that, he's still pissed at me. I don't think sex is the first thing on his mind right now." I lift my bag when he releases me and bend to grab my oversized tote.

"Sweetie, I don't care how mad he is, sex is definitely on his mind. You're going away with him for five days. Alone. If it's not on his mind, there's something wrong with him. I just want you to make your own decisions. Don't do anything unless it's what _you _want."

"Got it 'Dad', I'm good. I promise! I'll call you when we get there. Tell Kelsey I borrowed her strappy sandals, just in case we go anywhere nice. I didn't get a chance to talk to her before she went out last night and judging from her untouched bed I'm guessing she and Paul had a sleepover."

I head towards the door, grab my apartment keys and tuck them into my purse. Suddenly I've got a stomach filled with butterflies. Not cute little butterflies. Huge Monarch butterflies, with record setting wingspans.

"Why do you look like you're going to puke, Jess?" Jamie asks as he flops down on the couch.

"I'm just nervous. I haven't talked to Dean since we got out of class yesterday. We still haven't cleared the air about the Will situation. Now we're going to be sitting in the car together for five hours. Plus, okay, yes I am thinking about the possibility of what may or may not happen between us this week. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Should I? Is it too soon? What if we fight the whole way there? What if I tell him about Will and he freaks out because I kept it from him? What if—"

"Seriously Jess, you'll be fine! Stop freaking out. You'll do the right thing, for you. Just trust yourself. And it wouldn't hurt if you trusted Dean a little, too."

I take a deep breath and nod at Jamie's words of encouragement. "You're right. I know you're right, I'll be fine. It'll be…interesting. I love you. I'll call you. Have fun doing whatever you're planning to do this week, and I'll see you Sunday."

"Love you, too. Hey, wait!" Jamie hops up from the couch and moves into his room quickly. He comes back with something shiny in his hand and tosses it to me.

A strip of condoms. _Wow. Really Jamie? Really?_

"Um," I stare down and refuse to make eye contact with my brother, "Yeah, thanks for that."

"No glove, no love, sis. Safety first," he says, laughing at my awkwardness.

I tuck the foil strip into my tote bag and open the apartment door, "I'll take Embarrassing Family Moments for eight hundred, Alex."

With a wave, I head out and make my way to the elevator.

I reach for the down button just as the doors part, revealing my road trip companion. God, he is so gorgeous. He's dressed casually in a long sleeved black shirt and tan pants. The scent of his cologne mixed with soap from the shower he recently took, judging by his still damp hair, is absolutely intoxicating. We look at each other and smile awkwardly before looking away.

"Hey," Dean says while he holds the doors open for me.

"Hey back," I reply, stepping into the elevator.

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Longest elevator ride ever.

When we finally reach the ground floor Dean lets me exit first and reaches out for my bags once we pass through the front door. "Here, let me take those."

"Thanks." I hand him my tote and my duffle.

We walk to the car.

More silence.

Longest walk ever.

"Need anything?" he asks, raising the bags before tucking them away in the trunk.

"Nope, I'm good." I gesture with my purse because I've got everything I need in there.

"Good." He shuts the trunk and moves to open the passenger door for me just as I reach for the handle.

"Sorry." I pull my hand back.

"Sorry," he says at the same time, taking a step back.

We stand there for a few seconds, looking at each other, then away. Dean reaches out for the handle again and opens the door for me.

"Thanks," I say, sliding into the seat.

He closes the door and rounds the hood before taking his place behind the wheel.

We sit.

More silence.

He rubs his palms against his knees before turning the key in the ignition.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Ready," I say.

Twenty words between the two of us.

Yep.

Longest drive ever.

* * *

We made a supply stop and filled the gas tank just past Pismo Beach. Apparently the road we're about to take doesn't have much in the way of pit stops for about three hours so it made sense to stop early, or so I was told. Dean says it's supposed to be a great drive with some pretty amazing views. The highway hugs the coast the entire way to Carmel. This is as much conversation as we've been able to muster over the past hour and a half. Music has helped, but it's no less awkward in the car now than it was when we left UCLA.

"So what do you want to do first when we get there?" I ask Dean, trying to infuse some excitement into my voice.

"It'll probably be too late to check out the beach or anything. I guess we can get settled and grab some food if you want." He doesn't take his eyes off the road as we merge onto route one.

_Don't sound so thrilled Dean, you'll embarrass yourself._ "Sure, that sounds fine."

I go back to looking out the window and humming along to the current song playing from Dean's iPod through the car speakers. Mountain…mountain…sand dune…mountain… And so it goes for about twenty minutes before I start to get antsy.

I sneak a peek over at Dean. He's got his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him, his thumbs tapping out a beat on the steering wheel. He looks tired. There are shadows under his eyes and he's got a day's worth of stubble along his jaw. I notice the angry reddish purple mark that I left the previous morning. Seeing it makes me feel even more horrible about the whole situation. I was talking about another guy in my sleep, punched him in the face, and then ran out on him without so much as an explanation. I want so badly to reach out and cover the bruise with my hand, to break this tension somehow. Judging from the look on his face, stone cold and very distant, I don't think he would appreciate that very much.

I sigh and rest my chin on my hand with my elbow on the door. The view got boring about forty five minutes ago, and we've still got four hours left in this tiny, enclosed space. I close my eyes and think about how I'm going to make this right. Suddenly the sun beats down on my eyelids and I open them just in time to see why.

Everything to the left has fallen away. In its place is nothing but ocean. Miles and miles of blue. There isn't much between the highway and the water, just a short rocky beach, a few grassy hills and dunes in some spots, but beyond that, we're at the edge of the world.

"Wow…" I whisper.

I don't tear my eyes from the beautiful scenery until I notice Dean is gazing at me from the corner of his eye with a smile on his face as breathtaking as the view.

"It's worth the extra half hour in the car to see the look on your face right now." He turns his eyes back to the road but the smile remains.

"It's absolutely amazing. I've never been anywhere like this. I feel like we could walk right off the highway and sail away." I continue to stare into the distance with the thundering crash of surf on rock as my soundtrack. "I should be terrified that a wave is going to come and try to wash us off the road but I can't stop staring, this is just so cool. Thank you. Thank you for this." I turn in my seat so that I'm facing him and the ocean. The two things I want to spend the next few hours watching.

I rest my head against the seat, turn up the radio, and hum along with Mumford and Sons. Tuning out everything, I finally let the peace settle over me.

* * *

I blink and the sun is in a different place in the sky. I must have nodded off. The car is no longer moving but we're still right next to the ocean. Dean, however, seems to have disappeared. I sit up and stretch, looking around. I spot Dean a few feet from where the car is parked at a random pull-off on the side of the road. He's sitting on what looks like a rocky cliff, leaning back on his hands. I wonder why he stopped.

Climbing out of the car, I stretch one more time before making my way over to him. I take a seat next to him, folding my legs and tucking my arms into my hoodie. We're at a higher altitude than we were earlier. Instead of beaches, there are cliffs all along the coast. It's frightening to look down so I keep my eyes on the point where sky meets sea. The wind from the ocean is chilly but it is even more impressive from here than it was from the highway. Completely worth the cold.

The sun is stretching closer and closer to the horizon, turning the sky into a swirling vortex of colors. Either Dean has been parked here for a while, or we're pretty close to our destination by now. I'm about to ask when he chooses to shatter the silence between the two of us.

"I caught my dad sleeping with the woman he left us for when I was sixteen. He didn't even have the decency to hide it. Did it right there in his and my mom's bed while she was planning this charity event for some organization, I can't even remember which. Danny was at football practice and I was supposed to be at a soccer game, but the other team forfeited. I wanted to borrow some of my dad's cologne for a date later that night and I didn't think anyone would be there."

I don't turn to look at him because I know he's going to continue, but my heart aches for this poor boy who had to witness his father singlehandedly dismantling his family. I'm not sure why he's chosen now to open up to me about this, but I listen anyway.

"When he finally noticed I was there, he didn't even apologize. Didn't look contrite. He just told me to shut the fucking door. The bastard spent my whole life coming in and out of it, always going away for business and never showing up when we really needed him. I took every scrap of love that son of a bitch threw at me, and there weren't many. Then I find out that he wasn't even blowing us off for a good reason. He was out enjoying the life he wished he had and avoiding the one he got stuck with.

"I didn't know what to do, but the first thing I thought about was my mother. This was going to break her heart. She always made excuses for him. She would tell us that he worked hard for us, so that we'd have a good life. In reality, she was working to build up an account to replace the money he was funneling into a private account. My mom's family, well, they're not struggling. So my dad decided he was going to help himself to what he felt she wouldn't miss. Of course I had no idea at the time.

"Then I thought about Danny and that's when the anger came. Danny looked up to our father like he was some kind of superhero. He would fly off, close his deals, come back bringing gifts, telling these bullshit stories about all the famous people he'd meet while he was traveling. And back out the door he went. But Danny had blinders on when it came to him. I knew it would shatter him and I knew I was going to have to be the one to tell him."

Dean stops and looks down at his hands. I reach over and place my hand in his, urging him to finish, to get it all out. He takes a deep breath before he continues.

"I ran out of the house and didn't stop until I got to the football field. It was about five miles away, but I was so pissed I just kept running. Practice was over and Danny was walking to the parking lot to wait for our mom to pick him up. I caught up with him and told him everything I saw. I didn't want to be the only one with this in my head. It was selfish, but I wanted him to hate our father with me. I didn't want to be the only one holding onto this information, letting it tear me up inside. He didn't believe me. Called me a fucking liar. Then he took a swing at me."

"Seriously?" I interrupt without realizing it.

"You don't understand how much this image of my father as some idol meant to Danny. I was so blown away that I didn't even try to block him. He caught me right in the nose and there was blood everywhere. He may be two years younger than me but he was strong, even then. My mom drove up and jumped out of the car just in time to see him come for me a second time. She started yelling, tried to keep us separated. When Danny told her what I said and asked what she was going to do about it, she just broke down."

His eyes glisten as the setting sun reflects off of them. He won't look away from the ocean now, doesn't move at all. He's lost in this awful memory.

"She told us that she'd known for a while. That she's been saving up to replace what he took from her so she could take us and leave. She wouldn't let me grandparents know what kind of scumbag she ended up married to. She didn't want us to find out until she was ready to end it. It's not that she thought he would fight her, but once she told him she was leaving, she knew there was going to be no reason for him to stick around. He didn't want the family he had, and the sooner he could be rid of us without any guilt, the better for him.

"Danny couldn't believe it. He swore that she was wrong, that I was lying. I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to react. We drove back to the house in time to see him walking through the door with a suitcase. Danny ran up and tried to get him to explain, to tell me and mom that we misunderstood. He looked at Danny and said he was sorry, then put his suitcase in his car before climbing in next to the woman who helped tear my family apart."

He finally turns away just as the last of the light is swallowed up by the sea. His cheeks are wet, but his eyes are now dry. He threads his fingers through mine and brings our joined hands to rest on his leg.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you, to your brother, your poor mom. I don't understand how a father could do that to his children. But you turned into this incredible person. You and Danny are so close, obviously it didn't sever that bond. Your mom was able to move on. I know it was hard, probably impossible at the time, to deal with but you're better off without him now. You must know that?"

His cheek quirks with a brief, sad smile but disappears as quickly as it emerges. "It took a long time for us to be okay. Danny refused to talk to me and my mom for weeks. He swore it was somehow our fault that he left. He tried over and over again to call him. Finally he picked up and told Danny that it was for the best, he wasn't a good father and he was happier now than he'd been in years. It didn't really sink in that our father was a lying piece of shit until Danny ran into him and his new family, complete with a two year old daughter, at the mall one weekend. It wasn't that he wasn't a good father, it was that we weren't the right family. Not for him. He had been making a new family for years, right under our noses.

"Danny got really angry, he closed himself off. Started drinking a lot, hanging out with these morons on the varsity football team who got him into some bad shit. He took steroids and his whole demeanor changed. He would just erupt into rage at the drop of a hat. It didn't stop until I found him passed out in his room one morning. He was totally dehydrated, and drinking the way he had been while taking the steroids could've killed him."

At this, he drops my hand and stands up. Pacing the small patch of dirt and sand near the cliff, he drags his hands through his hair then folds his arms tightly across his chest before turning back to me.

"Danny got better once they set him up with a therapist and got all that shit out of his system. He's a gifted football player, he didn't need that garbage. They got him into this intensive outpatient program so he could still go to school and no one would wonder, any more than they already did. It took time, but Danny came back to us. It was the longest year of my life, but things finally started to get better. Then mom met Nick and he was the kind of person we all needed in our lives. He was funny, he cooked, came to our games, he made time for us because he wanted to be there. So in the end, we got a better dad out of the deal than when we started."

I stand up and walk over to him, then wrap my arms around him and take a deep breath. He shared so much with me today and I know it took a lot out of him. But I feel closer to him now that I know this huge piece of his puzzle. Still, there is something that worries me.

"What about you? You told me all about Danny and and your mom and how they were able to recover, but how did you pull through all of this?" I pull back just far enough to look up into his eyes.

"I…I figured it out along the way. Watching my brother fall apart and try to pull himself back together killed me because I couldn't do anything to help, not really. All I could manage was to be there for him. I always resented my dad, even before this, for leaving us alone all those years. So really it wasn't that hard for me to get over. I was happy that he was gone. Maybe that makes me a crappy person, but I didn't really miss him at all. Still don't."

I believe what he says but I can tell that the scars run deeper than he is letting on. I turn back towards the ocean and lean against Dean's chest while he wraps his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I didn't tell you all of this to make you feel sorry for me, you know," he whispers.

"I don't feel sorry for you. I hate that you witnessed what you did and went through what you did but it doesn't change how I see you. Though since you brought it up, why did you tell me this, now I mean?" I ask gently.

Unwrapping his arms from around me, he turns me to face him. "I want you to know me, and to know me you need to know the good and the bad. I know that something happened to you, and when you're ready I want you to feel like you can open up to me, too."

I sigh and walk back to the edge of the cliffs. We've come full circle. I've thought about how to tell him about that night six years ago the entire ride here. I'm going to tell him, just… not tonight. Not after he's just bared his soul to me and awakened that hurt and anger. It wouldn't be fair.

I look at the crashing waves below and close my eyes. "I want to tell you Dean. I will tell you. But for now, can we just drive?"

He looks at me with those vibrant blue eyes, made darker by the fading light, and holds out his hand for me. I take it and we walk back to the car.

Once we're back on the road I ask, "So, how much longer?"

"Well since you passed out on me for a big chunk of the ride, we're only about half an hour from the house."

"House?" I ask. I assumed we were staying in a motel or hotel, something like that.

"Yes, house. It's actually cheaper to rent one of the cottages than it is to stay in the resorts. Carmel is kind of on the pricier side, but one of my buddies from the frat house has an aunt who owns a few properties out here so I got a pretty good deal on a place that he says is perfect. It's only a few blocks from the beach. Plus not many people were renting over the holiday, so it will probably be pretty deserted too."

The nerves are back. We're staying in a cottage, near a secluded beach, alone. No families or businessmen coming and going in the rooms near ours, no housekeepers knocking early in the morning. Just us. Suddenly I wish we had a few more hours to drive.


End file.
